NULL CITY Novel, (New Adult/Fantasy) 83K words. By Barbara Taub & Hannah Taub:
EXCERPT #1: GABY & LEILA, SNOQUALMIE FALLS, WASHINGTON
Some days it just didn’t pay to be dead.
“It’s not fair,” Gaby panted as Leila pulled ahead on the hillside. All those hours as the victim of Bill-the-Hun on her BodiesByBill exercise tapes and she was eating Leila’s dust? Of course that hole in her side wasn’t helping things. And – was blood squishing into those overpriced new trainers Leila had insisted they buy?
Behind them she could hear the disciplined beat of pursuit. Well, sure they can concentrate on chasing us; they don’t have to worry about how to get blood out of $240 sneakers.
“Do something,” begged Leila.
“I’m an accountant,” gasped Gaby. What does she want me to do? I could give the IRS an anonymous tip, but satisfying as it might be to contemplate those guys having to cough up receipts for our murder during the audit, I don’t think it’s going to get us out of this.
Leila was several yards ahead of her by now, the trees giving way to the sheer drop of the cliff ahead, with the roar from the falls just beyond.
“I’ve got you Leila.” The voice echoed from beyond the cliff face. “Trust me.”
“Thomas!” Without breaking stride Leila ran straight for the cliff edge and leaped.
Come on. Who trusts someone enough to leap into space?
“Gaby-mine.” Luic’s smoky velvet voice called out as the first shots kicked up the dirt beside her. Without thought, Gaby dove for the cliff edge. She almost enjoyed the moments of free-fall before his arms surrounded her.
“Hell agrees with you,” he grunted. “I think you’ve gained weight.” He went into a swooping glide before his wings pumped, pulling them upward.
“If you do that again,” Gaby warned, “I’m going to be lighter after I throw up. And, come on Luic. Wings? That’s just so wrong.”
“I got them when I was commissioned.” He spread them for another showy glide. “What do you think?”
“I think the puking sounds better and better.”
His chest shook with laughter under her cheek. “You’re taking this a lot better than I expected. I’m surprised you jumped to me.”
“Two reasons,” she muttered into his neck. “First of all, I’ve been dreaming of falling for the past five years. And usually I die in those dreams. Again.”
“And second,” Gaby pointed out, “if you can’t trust the angel you killed, you might as well give up.”
EXCERPT #2:
In honor of Valentines Day, I took part in Heather Webb’s Where’s the Love? blog-hop by posting a scene between Leila and Thomas.
Scene Intro: Fleeing midnight assailants a year ago, 18-year-old Leila and 19-year-old Thomas, her assigned Protector, stumbled onto a Null City Metro train bound for the year 1890. Charged one year of their lives as train fare, they’ve spent that year pretending to be brother and sister.
****
Hurry, she wanted to tell him. But he was her careful Thomas. Each button he opened had to have the skin it revealed thoroughly kissed. She thought she would scream by the time he finally spread open the sides of her blouse and pushed it from her shoulders. He froze.
“Thomas?”
Sucking in about half the room’s oxygen, he managed to pull away from her.
“No.” She blinked up at him and moaned. “Not the Protector face. You can’t seriously be considering…”
“Maybe we should stop.” Gripping each arm of her chair, he lurched to his feet.
Before he could say anything, she launched from the chair in a rush that ended with her arms around his neck and his own arms closing helplessly around her. “I’ve been thinking about this for the past year.”
He still looked worried. “Have you ever…”
Leila laughed as she pulled him into the bedroom. “Thomas! Focus.”
He lay beside her and he was her Thomas, so carefully stroking her, telling her silly things like how much he liked her belly button, and then kissing it and moaning and repeating he really liked her belly button.
#
She woke in the middle of the night spooned against him, his big hand splayed over her stomach. Very carefully so she wouldn’t wake him, she pressed a soft kiss to the pillow next to his face. “I trust you, Thomas.”
In the moonlight his eyes gleamed silver. “Then don’t waste those kisses.” He laughed and pulled her mouth to his.
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For more sample chapters, click here.
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First of all, love the scene intro. I’m already intrigued about the concept for the whole MS! I laughed at the belly button part. That was cute and sweet. Love the last two paragraphs. Good luck in the contest, and thanks for checking out my scene! #5
Thanks for the laugh, Amy!
I have a confession to make: I’d started reading all these kissing scenes earlier in the day and planned on making comments later this evening. Then you posted such an awesome comment on my entry that I felt I must return the favour, only to discover that yours was THAT ENTRY. The one that made me wish I’d written it, the one that I scribbled, “AWESOME, A contender for the Write in the Kisser Award” in my notebook.
This is fantabulous! Great job and good luck!
Wow! Thanks Bonnie. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your kind words. This completely made my night.
I’m going to admit that I have never done anything more than hug a guy, much less kiss him or do anything farther than that (And it’s not because I’m some whiny 12-year-old, just an unattractive 19-year-old) and I must say I really felt that scene. Which is saying a lot if he can stir up feelings in someone like me. Very well done. I loved it! Good luck!
That was me, BTW! I forgot to fill out the name stuff…
Thanks for the comment, Arianna. And I’m sure your love story is just waiting to be written. Someone is out there waiting to thank God that such a sensitive, funny person as you is waiting for them. I’m living proof that you don’t need to be modeling for the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue to have a wonderful romance (several in fact!) and end up with the love of your life. Good luck with your writing.
Wow this scene is steamy! Nice job. I really love the voice and the tension. Great job! I don’t normally go for NA but you may have changed my mind!
An NA convert! Yippee!!!
I love that third line. I think it told me everything I needed to know about Thomas’ character in a single paragraph. It made me fall in love with them.
Everything from the voice to the writing is beautiful. I love the concept for this novel and I love the set up (them having to pay their fare with a year of their life). Awesome! I would definitely keep reading. Wish I had more right now!
-Amber (#41)
My Kissing Scene
I loved how he pulled away and she brought him back. Nicely done!
Larissa (#47)
Whoo! Steamy stuff, Barb! Your into paragraph grabbed me immediately, especially: “Charged one year of their lives as train fare…” I LOVE that and am dying to read more of this story. Great job!
Thanks for the encouragement Kate!
Wow, the concept alone for your work blows me away. How creative and how very interesting! And the scene is so cool, I like how he’s described as the “cautious” one and I love stories with forbidden love elements. It makes it so much more risque! Great job, and I’m really glad I stopped by and read it…i’m going to need to click the link and read more sample chapters!
Thanks for your kind words. I’m so glad you like the concept. My daughter and I talked about it all through her last year of high school as a breather from all the stress of picking a college/selling house/moving to England. When she went off to university, I decided writing it down would be the easy part.
I think you have interspersed a perfect amount of dialogue into a love scene. I really like the description and lines that you’ve mixed. It flows so well–pulls us into the scene! Love the “He was her careful Thomas.” Great job! I appreciate your comments for mine too–#24.
Tracy
This is a killer concept – it took me a minute, but then I got “Null” city
I also first read the “Metro Train” as the “Retro Train” (which I thought was pretty funny, though maybe too punny) On to the scene – very nice work…I loved the way you phrased “he was her careful Thomas” perfect, let us know how well she knew him – told us much about their relationship. I think it lost some of its power when you use it again…but maybe the issue I’m having is the belly button paragraph (while sweet and tender and sexy and great) is written in such a way that it pulls me out of the deep POV you have been doing such a great job of creating.
Love the last bit where he catches her kissing the pillow
I think my favourite line was “No. Not the Protector face.” Heehee. And I liked her closing thought right before the scene break: “and he was just… Thomas.” This was really well done, descriptive in just the right way in all the right places. It shows a lot about both their characters, but especially Thomas. Great job! –Saybe (#23)
Phew…hot! I love the bellybutton stuff, that was adorable, even in a hot and steamy scene. I would love to read on about these two. Great job!!!
Jessica #42
I loved her calling him her careful Thomas and “the Protector face”. And the bellybutton part was so sweet. Well done! I’d love to read more.
Good luck!
Laura, Kiss #33, BSD #112
Thanks Laura! I appreciate the encouragement, especially from a fellow expat!
Loved it! I especially like the line, “and she looked at him and he was just… Thomas.” It shows the familiar, which is wonderfully mixed with the passion and tenderness. Great job!
I am giving this the “Color Me Red” award! The “Not the Protector face.” line had me rolling. Loved it!!
I’m torn between being a little turned on and laughing my butt off. What a fantastic scene. Great job! As soon as I get time, I’m going to have to check out your sample chapters.
Also, I love the ponies in your banner. They’re so cute!
First, I LOVE the premise of Null City! When everything becomes supernatural, the plain old “normal” city becomes the place to be. Such a clever idea. In this scene (which ties up at the end so perfectly!), “the Protector face” is priceless. The MC’s pent-up longing definitely shines through, as does Thomas’ struggle with what he wants vs what he thinks is noble (my favorite sort of male hero – the conflicted). I did stumble over the repeat of “chair” (“of her chair… from the chair”), but I have a thing about repeating words. I think you could say she launched “to her feet” or just launched “up” and not lose a thing. Other than that one line, this scene is great. Best of luck with Null City!
Thanks for pointing out the “chair” line. You’re absolutely right and I’ll change that. And thanks for the enthusiasm!
The premise of this novel sounds fascinating. I love a good time travel novel. As for your scene, it’s sweet and funny– perfect for YA. In this sentence, the phrasing needs a little tightening:
Just flip it around a bit. Nice job! Happy Valentine’s Day!
“Each button he opened had to have the skin it revealed thoroughly kissed”.
It reads as if the button needs the kissing.
Good catch. I read this stuff over and over, but it takes another eye to see something like this. Thanks so much.
Good excerpt. And thanks for the scene tip. Let’s me know what kind of genre I’m reading.
One comment. You have two sentences that have similar verbs too close together :
“he lurched to his feet.”
Before he could say anything, she launched from the chair”
That is all. :>
You’re right about those two words. I’ll change that. Thanks for the advice.
I’ve read in books about writing that a good scene will grab you in as few as 250 words… and even without knowing who these two characters are, I’m in. I want to know where they take this relationship… okay, honestly, I want the story to be about 40-somethings and to be a romance/fantasy, maybe even a little erotic, not NA, since you’ve grabbed me (and I’m old)!
I’m so glad you liked the scene. (And I’m pretty sure I’m older than you!) For this book I’m sticking with YA/NA because I started this project in collaboration with my teenaged daughter. But I’ve been thinking of an older MC for my next project.
Ok Barb, I am already crazy about Thomas! Steamy from the get-go, but we really got Thomas’ character in a very short time. WONDERFULLY done!
Barb – after our email communication I realized I’d missed your excerpt somehow. I love it that you are writing this in concert with your daughter. And even though I write (and read) fiction with very little romance in it — and then it’s often “for and about the older child” — i.e. 50+ — your scene makes me want to branch out. Previous comments on minor tweaking make sense to me, but otherwise the piece is beautifully imagined and written. And I’m happy to become acquaintanted with someone living in a castle! Will definitely want to read your completed book.
Very nicely done! The scene definitely pulled me in, and I got a strong sense of the characters in this small snippet, which isn’t always easy to pull off.
All of the little hiccups I would have pointed out (the repetition of the word “chair,” the slight confusion with the buttons needing to be kissed) have been mentioned previously, so I’ll just say “ditto” and wish you luck with your revisions!
I love your banner photo! Is that you with the gorgeous horses?
Thanks for stopping by my Post!
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What an amazingly dry sense of humor!