BEST. REWARD. EVER.

After Jo Savill calculated on her blog that at the rate people are spreading the Liebster Award, each person on earth should have received 43 bazillion of them, I was feeling pretty left out. So you can imagine how excited I was when TheImaginator (check out his blog) passed on this award to me. He says, “The award is given to up and coming blogs with less than 200 followers; the person nominated needs to answer eleven questions and nominate eleven other bloggers, ask them eleven questions in turn and then comment on their blogs to let them know they’ve been nominated.”

Actually, it’s more of a chain letter, but the best kind because it’s all about me. So here are TheImaginator’s questions and my answers.

1. What is your favourite food?

• Since chocolate = oxygen, I think we can subtract that from the food groups. That leaves the green stuff I had in the south of France. You have to understand that I come from the US Midwest, where haute cuisine involves jello or mayo. (Or, with alarming frequency, both.) France was a religious experience for my tastebuds. One day we stopped at a little restaurant and I pointed to the set menu. The first thing they brought was a glass sphere clouded with steam. When it was opened, I realized that somehow they had used dry ice to ‘smoke’ the green stuff inside. I took a tiny bite. Can you imagine tasting something that’s a combination of the best chocolate and wine and sex you’ve ever had? You can? Well, I’m sorry but that’s just weird and I’m not going to be coming to dinner at your house. But this stuff was an absolute mouth orgasm. The only thing preventing me from licking the insides of the globe was the presence of the other diners, and even that wouldn’t have stopped me if they hadn’t taken away the globe (despite my begging). I tried to ask the waiter what I’d eaten. He turned over the menu and pointed to a small paragraph on the back. Since I don’t speak French, I took a picture with my phone. When I got back to our hotel, I looked it up in Google Translate. Apparently, my mouth nirvana was “The Ladies Bathroom is the third door on the left and down the stairs.”

2. What scares you the most?

• Clowns. And presidential candidates. (Or are those synonymous?)

3. What is your pet hate?

• See #2 above

4. If you could have any superhero power that you wanted, what would it be?

• Laundry Woman. ZAP! POW! Holy clean undies, Batman!

5. Who is your favourite cartoon character?

• See #2 above. Oh, wait…

6. Which do you like better, dogs or cats?

• Cats are like the really popular girls in high school: well-groomed, self-assured, confident that the rest of the world has been put there to wait on their every need. Dogs are sloppy, emotional, and often have something disgusting hanging from the fur on their rear end. Obviously, dogs rule.

7. If you could travel back in time for a day, when would you go to?

• March 18, 1989. Just before my presence causes an irreparable rift in the space-time continuum, I would say to my younger self, “Really? Are you sure you want to leave the keys in the same car with the three-year-old testosterone victim?”

8. Sex or chocolate?

• Yes

9. Beer or wine?

• See #8

10. Which famous singer can you best imitate?

• My husband points out that every member of my family should come with a warning label that reads music-impaired. If there are famous singers who are not permitted to perform outside the confines of well-insulated shower rooms, I might be able to imitate them. Or not.

11. If you could be an animal, which animal would you be?

• Obviously, a cat. Because then I wouldn’t have an owner; I’d have staff.

So many wonderful people have stopped by my blog lately. Since I couldn’t begin to pick favorites, I’m nominating the latest commenters. The questions I would ask each of them are the following:

1. What was your first car?

2. What was your last brush with the law?

3. Star Wars or Star Trek?

4. Dr. Who or Dr. Laura?

5. Worst movie ever?

6. Who would you like to have a conversation with at a cocktail party?

7. Best guilty pleasure ever?

8. Who would play you in the movie?

9. What is something people don’t know about you?

10. What is the one thing you can’t live without?

11. As a child (or now!), what did you want to be when you grew up?

Blogs I’m Nominating (you should really take a look at them!):

1. Bastet and Sekhmet
2. Don of all Trades
3. johndburns
4. The Laughing Mom
5. LM Stauffer
6. Brunch for Every Meal
7. A. J. Capper
8. Alex Zonis
9. The Plate is My Canvas
10. Deprifun
11. My Life in Lederhosen