Tags
blizzard, California, Chicago, England, gobsmacked, humor, Illinois, Meteorology, moles, National Weather Service, spring, Steve Goodman, Tornado, Weather, winter
Spring comes to the north of England at last. Fluffy white clouds, green fields dotted with sheep, lines of dead moles strung up by their noses…
When I first moved to Chicago, I was too young to appreciate The First Law of Local Weather: no matter where you move, the natives have never seen this kind of weather before. Russians probably told invading Germans they never have such cold winters. I’ll bet you could go to Mars and little green creatures would assure you, “It’s a very unusual year. Normally, we have MUCH more oxygen here…” Rain amazed Californians, blizzards amazed Chicagoans, hurricanes amazed Virginians, and tornadoes amazed central ‘Tornado Alley’ Illinois.
An eight-year stint in Chicago still didn’t prepare me for real weather because winter is not scheduled in that city. Blizzards come as a complete surprise to Chicago officials every year. They would announce after the first snow of the season that municipal supplies of salt and sand were exhausted because of unusually severe weather, the like of which hadn’t been seen since the previous winter.
![I know I'm not the only one who remembers the Lincoln Park Pirates. One January the City of Chicago was so shocked at the unusual occurance of winter, their outsourced towing company hauled hundreds cars (including mine) to a lakeside park. Their snow-encrusted forms were soon obliterated by the snow removal crews who were also using that park as a dumping ground. Months went by before melting snows revealed missing vehicles. [http://youtu.be/389Rk1jzPM] Good times...](https://barbtaub.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/lincoln-park-pirates.jpg)
I know I’m not the only one who remembers the Lincoln Park Pirates. One January the City of Chicago was so shocked at the unusual occurance of winter, their outsourced towing company hauled hundreds cars (including mine) to a lakeside park and then forgot where they put them. The snow-encrusted forms were soon obliterated by the snow removal crews who were also using that park as a dumping ground. Months went by before melting snows revealed missing vehicles. [http://youtu.be/389Rk1jzPM] Good times…
Although central Illinois has strict zoning restrictions prohibiting any actual scenery, it does provide quite a bit of entertainment in the form of weather. My theory is that the powerful Weather Team Forcasters (WTF) demanded at least two tornado sightings a month, with premium pay for blizzards. That first summer we were in Illinois, every time we got into the car the WTF would respond with a weather situation. As we scanned a cloudless sky, they assured us that conditions were ripe for the formation of a tornado, and pleaded with us to seek shelter. Although we couldn’t help noticing that our neighbors would be out washing their cars and grilling brats, we chalked it up to the devil-may-care attitude for which Midwesterners are famous.
Every once in a while, if the WTF got really lucky, actual weather would occur. Meteorologist: “There are big clouds forming… getting larger… pulsating… closer and… yes… we have reports of a funnel… Oooh, yes… It’s SO big, and it’s (pant, pant) getting ready to… touch down (gasp)… almost there… NOW… right now… YES!”
Afterward, the weather bureau had a cigarette and we lit more candles down in the basement.
Recently we moved to England. The natives are gobsmacked by the fact that it’s been the wettest, coldest winter on record. Since last year, at least…
Barb Taub 
Ha HaHa! s’not much better in Southern, Illinois either! Last summer, the hottest driest summer since the ark landed (wouldn’t you know it’d happen when I came over)…so hot and dry there was a ban on 4th of July fireworks (and I’d paid to stay an extra week just for the 4th of July picknic and fireworks)…some clouds formed…sirens went off (scaring the bejesus out of me)…4 drops of rain fell…that was it…yep Illinois has a thing about weather. Nice to see you! Of course…this has been the wettest, coldest winter in memory of mankind here in Italy. 😉
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Well, let’s face it. Illinois is never going to corner the market on scenery so they have to go big somewhere. Weather is probably their best shot. I remember the year we moved to Chicago, SO hot, all six of us ended up spending summer in the one bedroom with an air-conditioner. The neighbors were just amazed…
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😉 crazy state that’s for sure! I’m just surprised the neighbors even noticed!
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No,really, it has…although we have a lot of rain here most of the time, this year has REALLY been the worst!
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Can I quote you on this in a year?
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Well if it’s this bad next year, I’ll consider re-locating!
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Don’t you miss Ed Keiser? He really loved a good tornado warning.
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Ed! For years he was our oracle. We couldn’t leave the house until we’d heard Ed opine on how many seconds it would be before exposed flesh would freeze or if it was time to start stuffing pairs of animals two-by-two onto a boat. Those were the days…
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WTF ..love that, may have to steal it. My big question is; how do they catch the moles in order to string them up? We have SO many moles this year, so many more than last year 🙂
England better dry up quick…I’m on my way shortly.
My favourite line, “Although central Illinois has strict zoning restrictions prohibiting any actual scenery..”
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I took the picture along a road in Northumberland that was lined with fences, and the fences lined with ex-moles. Apparently (at least according to Wikipedia) back in the day, mole-catchers were paid by the mole. They would string their catch up along the fences and the landowners would be able to calculate the amount due.
The courtyard of the castle where we live has the world’s most industrious mole. A thousand piles of mole dirt defy the owners’ dedicated attempts at capture, so the photo was actually intended for them. I suspect they won’t find it as amusing as I did…
Not sure England has any plans to dry up soon. Sorry.
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Oh, hysterical! Yes, at each change of season, there is media hype for whatever the weather event “flavor” goes with that time of year. (And wtf is with naming winter storms? That is media, NOT science or technology sanctioned.) We know to wait them out – thanks to the “super doppler” radar available via www.
Illinois is a very odd state – southern in the south and northern at the “top”. And one big long flat cornfield in the middle. If not for Lake Michigan… 🙂
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Pah! Wimpish Northumberland moles.
Over here in Lancashire, the moles are so big and hard that you see mile after mile of fences strung with ex- gardeners, gamekeepers, cricket groundsmen and tax inspectors.
Oh… and traffic wardens.
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And, during particularly bad years, the odd opposing football team…
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