I’m rubbish at blog awards. Oh, sure, I love to get them. I get all sentimental, and I mean—no, really I do—to acknowledge them with the humble gratitude and appreciation they deserve. Only… I don’t. While I sit around wondering how I can possibly top the charming and gracious blog acceptance posts of the incredibly generous people who nominate me for the awards, life happens. Instead of my blog posts.
Today, for example, the witty and insightful Cathy at Between the Lines passed along the One Lovely Blog Award. Will I give her the honest thanks her thoughtfulness deserves? Those (many) who have sent similar awards know the answer to this.
Well, there it is. So instead, I’ll recycle an earlier post (which, hopefully, won’t be noticed by any of the four people who originally read it), thanking Cathy, naming other suckers lucky winners, and waiting for my mother’s ghost to whap me upside the head for failing the good manners she kept thinking she’d raised me with.
My Acceptance Speech:
First of all, I’d like to thank Cathy for her misguided thoughtful award, and thank Tina Fey for not writing a humor blog containing the definitive blog award acceptance speech. I thank my parents, who (despite their attempts to hide it from my nine siblings) always liked me best. Obviously, I need to thank the man who has always been there for me, tirelessly devoting himself to making sure I face the world at my best – Antonio, who does my hair. Now comes the part of the speech where I grab my audience by their balls heartstrings and tug as I drop my voice tenderly to thank my four children, who taught me how to say NO and I mean you; don’t make me come back there because you’ll be sorry, and … where was I? Oh, yeah – you rock, kids. [waits through the clapping and cheers, modestly wiping away a tear] So I’ll just (virtually) lift this award above my head in a fist pump to acknowledge all the readers who made this the 27th happiest day of my life. (I would have moved it higher in the rankings, but let’s face it: I am still overweight, uncrowned, and just not that into world peace.)
Now, the rules say that I’m supposed to list seven things you might not know about me, and then name some bloggers who deserve the award more than me (that would be all of them). Okay, here are my seven things:
- My family has a genetic defect which compels us to accidentally memorize recipes that involve chocolate chips.
- As head of Human Resources, I’ve had to fire myself. More than once. (Unfortunately, I never got to control the number of zeros on my severance check…)
- My younger sister is the seventh daughter of a seventh daughter, which means either that she is a witch, or that she will never have to pay for her own beer in Ireland.
- I actually only could think of six things, but I figure nobody will read this whole list or notice this one here in the middle.
- After four kids, I will still be able to recite Good Night Moon on my deathbed.
- I don’t take vacations where you have to put on shoes to get to the bathroom.
- I used to say if you get the chance to try something you’ve always wanted to do and you don’t do it, it will be the sign that you’re getting old. That explains a lot of things in my past like skydiving and early encounters with law enforcement. What I now realize is that getting old beats the hell out of the alternative.
Other victims lucky nominees? (This will teach you to comment on my blog. Mwa-ha-ha-ha.)
- Suzie at http://suzie81speaks.com
- Danielle at http://danielleleneedavis.com
- Susan at http://redclayandroses1.wordpress.com
- Phil at http://blog.theregularguynyc.com
- Quiall at http://butterflysand.com
- Kassandra at http://kassandralamb.com
Cathy said:
See lol you’re so funny and clever with words, how can you say you’re rubbish at blog awards?! This post is wicked (that’s me getting down with the kids!!)
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Danielle Lenee Davis said:
ROFL! I might just look for an award for you just to see another post like this! You definitely deserve that award. I see you pulled a Hilary Swank there. 🙂
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Alex Zonis said:
Hahaha! I especially like number 4 :D!
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barbtaub said:
Dang. I really didn’t think anyone would catch that one…
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Elyse said:
Great list — and thanks a lot for introducing a whole bunch of new blogs. Who wants to work, anyway?
Ummm, am I special? Because I am the fifth child of two fifth childs [sic]. Or do I need to continue to toot my own horn?
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barbtaub said:
I’m sure you’re absolutely made of magic. (But the actual trope is that old seventh of seventh…supposedly they have incredible healing powers. I’m told by relatives that back in Ireland they were often expected to become healers.)
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sknicholls said:
You’re such a sweetheart. I can’t thank you enough for the award nomination (really, I can’t). And knowing that anything short of a Marriott is camping for me (unless I’m on a boat), I’m sure we must vacation pretty much the same way. #4’s answer makes me want to demand a redo. 😉
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barbtaub said:
Oh, come on! What’s with all you anal types actually reading that whole list? I should have known other writers would call me on that one…
Tots agree with you on the Marriott though.
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quiall said:
I know you think I like you but the honest truth is I don’t! Just because I enjoy your words and all that stuff does not give you the right to abuse my almost good nature by giving me award. How dare you!The Oscars know better than to give me an award. The Pulitzer People know better than to give me an award. What makes you a better judge? (psst don’t tell anyone but I’m secretly pleased. You like my work!!!) I will respectfully decline the award but thanks.
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barbtaub said:
Okay, I want all of you to take a good look at quiall’s answer. Now THAT’S the way to receive awards. I humbly bow at the feet of the master. (Although I did hear that the Pulitzer people are tossing your name around…)
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quiall said:
hahaha Quick hide me from the PPs!
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Kassandra Lamb said:
Oh, no, you didn’t! Yes, you did. You nominated the one person that sucks at these worse than you do. Me!
Can I steal some of yours, because I too do not take vacations where I have to put shoes on to go to the bathroom. (or a bathrobe if I can help it.)
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barbtaub said:
Ha! You’re welcome. (Especially to #4…)
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barbtaub said:
…Although the bathrobe thing was completely TMI.
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Jill Bisker (@JillBisker) said:
Now that was a great addition to my afternoon! LOL
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barbtaub said:
Danger! Warning… post replies like that and next thing you know someone will be giving you blog awards.
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Joseph Nebus said:
Oh, dear. I’m awful with blog awards myself. This is a good post, though.
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barbtaub said:
I guess that means I shouldn’t be passing these along to you? (Darn… I was thinking fresh meat!)
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glasgowdragonfly said:
Haha brilliant! With you on Goodnight Moon. It teaches kids all they need to know about why taking drugs is bad!
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barbtaub said:
Okay, I was drinking coffee when I read your comment and I totally spit it. Thank you very much.
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macjam47 said:
Hahaha! I loved this! You are so witty. I’m with you on that Goodnight Moon, among many others. For my daughter-in-law though, it was Brown Bear, Brown Bear. I think I’ll stick with Goodnight Moon. 🙂
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barbtaub said:
Goodnight Moon… the gift that keeps on giving
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Aussa Lorens said:
Buahaha I like your number 4. And I feel your pain– I’m shite about doing justice to anything I’m tagged in, ever.
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barbtaub said:
I’m very disappointed in this fixation my readers have with #4… (Notice, however, that I have NEVER given you a blog award. You’re welcome.)
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Sarah Day said:
…which reminds me that I have not yet done my Liebster Award post. Darn it. Does this mean I should not pass it on to you?
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barbtaub said:
That depends… Do I actually have to acknowledge it? This century?
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Sarah Day said:
Only if I actually get my post done…
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Seumas Gallacher said:
LUV THE POST, m’Lady :):)
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