Friends and I were talking about the new book, Very British Problems: Making Life Awkward for Ourselves, One Rainy Day at a Time and its related BuzzFeed and @SoVeryBritish twitter posts.
I’ve been in the UK for several years now, but I’m only starting to get the hang of the language. Still, for those who are struggling with some of the differences between American and British English, I’ve developed an all-purpose conversation.
Your’re welcome. [@soverybritish translation: Punishing people who don’t say thank you by saying “you’re welcome” as quietly as possible.]
| HOW TO SAY IT IN BRITISH | HOW TO SAY IT IN AMERICAN |
| I’m sorry. | You just bumped my arm and spilled my overpriced beverage down my favorite cashmere sweater. I’m going to sue you. |
| I’m sorry. | Then you tried to wipe it up and ended up groping my private bits. I may file charges. |
| I’m sorry. | And now, you cretin, you’ve [smashed into the back of my car/ruined my day/spoken to me in public/wasted perfectly good oxygen]. A guy I know named Vinnie is going to remove your kneecaps. |
| Oh, dear. | The [back of my car/rest of my life/ universe]now looks like an irredeemable disaster and I can’t look away. Vinnie has brothers. |
| Looks like a bit of rain. | Of course it does, you imbecile—this is Scotland. But there’s a gap in the conversation, and by law it must be filled with observations regarding the weather. Speaking of which… |
| I’ve been a bit under the weather. | I had the priest over for the last rites. |
| But not to worry. I’m fine. | Actually, I’m moments away from complete mental and possibly physical collapse. |
| You should come around for dinner. | If I see you at my house, I’m calling the police. |
| Cheers. | Please die painfully. |
Barb Taub 
hahaha As a Canadian I loved this!
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Oh Dear, I’m in trouble I’m always saying “Cheers” but I mean “Thanks” when I use it and I’m British!
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Since Americans pretty much mean that when we say, “Please die screaming”, we’re all good.
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Spot on.
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Thanks!
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I love this post! I’m always saying ‘you’re welcome’ with the accompanying sweet smile (or deadly stare) when people don’t say thank you 😀 I didn’t know the ‘cheers’ meaning though.
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Oh, that’s because we Americans are physically incapable of saying the word “cheers” without sounding like we’re doing a bad Monty Python imitation. It’s not pretty.
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I dunno…mostly when I say cheers I have a drink in my hand and I’m wishing us all well without hangovers. Loved the post. My husband has spent some time in the UK and he insists we’re going over to visit his old friends some day. They were his exes friends also, so I’m trying to learn how to be polite in UK.
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Just tell him to ring them up, invite them for a drink, and explain that you’re staying with your friend Barb so you can’t stay. Cheers.
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Hilarious! I have to say that whilst being terribly British I’m a confusion of saying what’s on the left whilst thinking what’s on the right 🙂 Excellent post Barb, thanks for sharing 🙂
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See, now that’s another unfair advantage to speaking British. You get to say “whilst”.
I did, however, have a sublime moment last Saturday. The clerk at the Boots said “Crikey.” I can now die happy.
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Ah yes, now I am definitely a “Crikey” user – haha! I did read somewhere recently that Americans have a problem with saying the word “lovely” – can this be true?
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Crikey, Georgia! I thought your book was lovely. Cheers–Barb
Okay, yeah. You’re right. Americans can’t say lovely either.
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Ah, but you can say “Cool” and it actually sounds cool… 😉
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Yup. And you guys don’t get to say you guys. Your parents aren’t ‘the rents’, your girlfriends aren’t ‘my posse’, and when you’re pissed, you’ll need a hangover remedy in the morning instead of just getting mellow. And when was the last time you called someone ‘dude’?
All of that pales, however, beside the irrefutable fact: we only get to say “cheerio” when we’re talking about breakfast food.
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So true… now, I don’t believe I’ve ever used the word “dude” but I’m going to change all that and use it tomorrow…we’ll see how it goes down!
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Cool. We’ll make a Yank of you yet, Dudette.
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You crack me up (as always), Barb! Loved the comments even more than the post (also not an uncommon experience when I come to visit here). 😀
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Thanks! But my life won’t find complete fulfillment until and actual Brit says “Cheerio!”. Until then, I merely exist…
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This made me laugh out loud! I may be guilty of some of it…okay, I AM guilty haha
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So sorry you’re guilty. My bad.
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Not to worry, Barb, I’m fine ;-D
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Reblogged this on A Woman's Wisdom and commented:
Still chuckling at this and had to reblog for your enjoyment…
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Reblogged this on Sally Ember, Ed.D. and commented:
For all my UK peeps and relations: What do you think? Funny or derogatory or both?
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I loved this. I spend quite a lot of time travelling between the UK and the US and find the language variations really interesting. The ones that get me the most are ones that work in both the UK and the US but have completely different connotations – ‘I will have to see a solicitor’ as a simple example.
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Ha! That’s one of my favorite examples. My daughter married a London boy whose father is a solicitor. So when he came to the States, MANY selfies were needed next to “No Solicitors” signs.
“Pissed” is another one. In the States, it means you’re furious. In the UK it means you’re drunk. (At a football match—in either place—it could well mean both.)
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Absolutely. Pissed and pissed off. There are so many humorous examples, one of my favourites being football as you have alluded to. As you are struggling to get used to the British usages, I am struggling with the American ones. I am sure we will both get there eventually.
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