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I’m in a total guddle.

See, I might live in Scotland, but this is what I live here for. I’ve gone along all these years without once knowing that I’m in a total guddle [confused mess] , let alone owning it like Glasgowdragonfly does.

The hotel room was a bit of a guddle after Kate's hen party in Glasgow...

The hotel room was a wee guddle after Fiona’s hen party in Glasgow…

Since we moved up here from England just as I was starting to get a handle on the whole separated by a common language thing, I’ve started to document a new vocabulary. Luckily, I have an expert tutor in the form of the receptionist at a nearby medical office. I’m completely smitten because she says och and aye and every noun is modified by wee. When I call, I always have a pencil ready to write down everything she says so I can look up translations when we hang up. Take, for example, today’s conversation:

Me: Do you have a minute?

Her: Och weel aye ah cuid blether fur a few mair minutes. Tis bin sae dreich ‘n’ wi’ th’ smirr t’ wee bits wur drookit by th’ time we git tae wirk, sae a’ body ‘ere is a bawherr bit crabbit ‘n’it juist feels barry tae hae someone crakin’ tae blether tae…   [**Yes I could talk for a few more minutes. It’s been such bad weather and with the rain our boots were soaked by the time we got to work, so everyone here is a little bit grumpy and it just feels wonderful to have someone nice to talk to…]

Me: Um… so about that prescription?

Her: Och, na bother! Wull juist be a wee minute ’til t’doctor’s had a wee keek. Mynd ye, th’ wee affice wis hoachin’ this mornin’, bit we hud that wee lot cleared by dinner. Och, then. That’s ye done. [**It’s ready.] 

Why, you may well ask, am I working so hard at this? Simple. I just want to be able to actually read Seumas Gallacher’s posts. I’m a wee bit close…just have to watch a few more Billy Connolly videos like this one (NSFW but you’ll hurt yourself laughing) or maybe Kevin Bridges like the one below.