“You’re never too old, too wacky, too wild,
To pick up a book and read to a child.”
― Dr. Seuss
I have no idea how they tell that the holiday season has officially arrived in the UK. In the States, it comes in two clearly defined steps. Step One is the lead-up, which starts in July and consists of everyone bitching piously about how stores now seem to take down the bathing suits and swim toys and start decorating for Christmas and it’s not like when they were kids and the Holidays Meant Something. Step One finishes with Thanksgiving Day, the signal for American men to validate their testosterone by blanketing their entire house and yard with blinking lights and any decoration that lights up and (preferably) moves. (The one who uses the most electricity wins.)
That ushers in Step Two: Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade, in which Santa arrives in every single Mall in America to terrorize small children. Parents—who would normally call the police if a paunchy, oddly-dressed old guy with a beard picked up their children and started offering them candy and presents—are urging the kids to smile at the camera. Yes, it’s the official harbinger of the season: the traditional heartwarming picture of children screaming in panic on Santa’s lap.
I remember the first time I attempted this yuletide assault. My daughter was almost a year old, and she had finally agreed to sit on Santa’s knee so she could get a closer look at the fluffy little balls of pompoms and jingle bells dangling invitingly from the end of his hat. She got a firm grip and began to pull.
One of Santa’s camera-toting Elfs started to scream. “She’s pulling Santa’s little balls off!” Santa had to go feed his reindeer immediately.
But Santa certainly got his revenge many times over. There was the turtle superhero accessory, “The Wacky Action Toilet Taxi” which boasted the detachable bowl blaster, toilet paper mud flaps, a (sanitized) sewer toilet seat, an emergency flush switch, and a siren that could wake people who’d been dead a week. Although the Taxi’s life was brief (thanks to a stealth mercy-killing by my husband armed with needle-nose pliers), it was by no means the worst toy “Santa” and his helpers [cough-grandparents-cough] inflicted.
There were dolls whose main functions seemed to be to convince their little owners to become serial baby killers. For example (and I’m NOT making this up) we were gifted with Baby Uh-Oh, whose PR said something like “Give baby a drink and uh-oh! After you feed her, she wets her diaper and a diaper rash appears!” Or poor little failure-to-thrive Baby Shivers—”Your love will keep her warm!”. Or Baby Tiny Tears—”She cries real tears when you squeeze her little hand.”
Then there was the Doll from Hell, a chilling reminder of the danger of letting microchip technology fall into the wrong hands. She screamed in a voice so obnoxious that nearby alley cats were phoning in nuisance reports. The screeching could only be stopped by stuffing her pacifier down her throat, an educational touch designed to prepare the doll’s owners for future parenthood or perhaps a career as a porn star.
But Santa did redeem himself. For all the nightmare toys he dropped off at our house, he also brought peace offerings in the form of children’s books, both those read aloud and those they read themselves as time went on. Favorite lines from some of them entered our everyday lives and became part of our family language. And the one that had the greatest staying power was “Beats me, Claude.”
When I was visiting my daughter recently following the birth of UMAG (Universe’s Most Adorable Grandbaby), I noticed that her wifi network was named “Beats Me Claude“. I asked my daughters what they remembered about the book, and they recited together,
“Any reason why you can’t make a regular bubbly, spicy, oozy apple pie like other folks?” Claude asked.
Shirley shrugged. “Beats me, Claude,” she said.
So this week I put that phrase into Amazon for a search. And there they were, the covers for the utterly charming series written by Joan Lowery Nixon and perfectly illustrated by Tracey Campbell Pearson.
Now I know that the #FridayFive challenge is about choosing a book by its cover. And I promise that these wonderful covers choose me. They reminded me of the joy of reading to a special child, made even more wonderful when the stories are honestly funny and quirky and packed with terrific dialog and laugh-out-loud humor.
Rosie Amber’s Friday Five challenge is to take ONLY FIVE MINUTES to browse an unfamiliar category and select a book based solely on the cover art.
Book blurb
“Any reason why you can’t make a regular bubbly, spicy, oozy apple pie like other folks?” Claude asked.
Shirley shrugged. “Beats me, Claude,” she said.
Here’s a tale of rollicking fun about Shirley and Claude, the daring Texas twosome. Shirley just can’t satisfy Claude’s hankering for an oozy, bubbly apple pie. In fact, her pies are not fit for eatin’—though they come in handy for fending off a few stray robbers and con men.
BUY LINKS:
- Book Title: Beats Me, Claude
- Author: by Joan Lowery Nixon, Pictures by Tracey Campbell Pearson
- Genre: Childrens
- Publisher:Puffin (September 1, 1988)
- Price: Out of print (but I got a “very good” library-bound hardcover for under $3.00, and the rest of the series at similar prices)
- Reviews:
- Pages: 32
My Analysis: These books tell the tale of Shirley, “who’s not gonna be like everyone else”. Shirley is independent and fully capable of fending for herself, as she demonstrates when she decides to head out west and look for gold instead of marrying the man her parents chose. Tall, thin, brave Shirley meets short, fat, shy Claude and they realize (eventually) that they belong together. In each of the books, there is a line that repeats (“Fat chance, Claude” or “Beats me, Claude”), as Shirley continues to save the day in her own peculiarly independent way.
Before her death in in 2003 at the age of 76, writer Joan Lowrey Nixon was the best-selling author of over 140 books, many for YA and children. That expertise shows in her steady hand for telling just enough to blend story action with Tracey Campbell Pearson’s wonderful illustrations.
The Shirley and Claude series are perfect bedtime reading for younger children, and entertaining books for readers who are almost ready for “chapter” books. Shirley’s competence and bravery make her a terrific role model. Her adventures and her teasing but loving relationship with Claude allowed her story to appeal to all my children, while the jokes and Texas dialog made it a fun read for us parents as well. And the illustrations are not only perfectly in sync with the story, but there are little wordless touches, such as the adorable armadillo who is busy with some armadillo task on each page.
BUY or PASS: When I first started looking for this series for the UMAG (who might need a few years before she’s ready), I was referred to rare book dealers whose copies were selling for hundreds of dollars. Then I discovered that I could buy hardbound, mostly former library copies, for pennies. So it’s a BUY for me. I’ve pulled together the series, and it’s waiting to charm another generation. Will she like it as much? Beats me, Claude.
Here is Rosie’s Friday Five Challenge. It only took five minutes and a couple more to write up, and was a ton of fun. I hope you’ll consider joining in. All Rosie asks is that you link back to her original post here so we can all join in viewing your challenge results.
AUTHORS – You often only have seconds to get a reader to buy your book, is your book cover and book bio up to it?
My Friday Five Challenge is this….. IN ONLY FIVE MINUTES….
- Go to any online book supplier,
- Randomly choose a category,
- Speed through the book covers, choose one which has instantly appealed to your eye,
- Read the book Bio/ Description for this book, and any other details.
- If there are reviews, check out a couple,
- Make an instant decision, would you BUY or PASS?
- I’ll be back next week with another Friday Five Challenge, do feel free to join in.
Sue Vincent said:
The arrival of Christmas in the UK is usually heralded by the knowledge that Mrs Next-Door has her tree up and the observation of the universal whispering of the ritual questions, ‘already?’ and ‘where’s the loft-ladder?’
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barbtaub said:
Does Mrs. Next-Door have family in the States? Because I think they were our neighbors too…
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Sue Vincent said:
Ah… An international epidemic…
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Rosie Amber said:
Adorable books Barb and what a find for your Grand Daughter – May you have many happy years of reading to all your future grandkids too.
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barbtaub said:
Thanks, Rosie. It will be a while before she moves beyond her current favorite reads–a trilogy of fold-out books of black and white patterns that so far she finds scary-mesmerizing.
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jennypellett said:
Loved this! Pity those books are out of print – they sound just the thing I’d buy for a small person😀
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barbtaub said:
I think having them out of print (and thus used copies going SO cheaply!) is just fine. My originals are still boxed up in storage back in the States, but this lets me give some favorites to a new little “reader” with a very tiny current library.
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shelleywilson72 said:
Ha ha thank you for the early morning giggle. Those books sound wonderful and would be a buy from me 🙂
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barbtaub said:
They are a great series!
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Cathy said:
So funny, I love the account of your daughter’s first visit to Santa 😀 I’m building up a little library for my grandson, I think I’ll add these too!
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barbtaub said:
I can honestly recommend these for both boys and girls. Lovely role models!
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Georgia Rose said:
Great post as always and I love it when a phrase from something (preferably a book!) enters the vocabulary of a family and it doesn’t matter how many years pass it’s still there. Great looking series and definitely worth seeking out a copy – thanks Barb it’s a buy from me too!
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Mary Smith said:
They sound wonderful books. Might be something my great-nephew would enjoy when he’s older.
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Wendy Janes said:
Really enjoyed this post. I love buying ex-library books, wondering who took the book out on a particular date, and why it may have languished on the shelves (or elsewhere) when there’s a long gap between date stamps.
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judithbarrow1 said:
Reblogged this on Barrow Blogs: and commented:
Another hilarious post from Barb – together with a great looking ‘Buy’
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Ellen Hawley said:
Oh the joys of the holidays. You’ve reminded me of a doll my niece got one year, Baby Poop and Puke. Or–well, maybe I’ve mangled the name just a little.
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coldhandboyack said:
This reminds me of so many Christmas toys my kids had. The plastic power tools that came with accurate sounds at a level that made my living room sound like a construction site. Then there was the haunted toy truck that revved its engine and turned on its lights in the middle of the night.
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sknicholls said:
What a wonderful way to introduce us to some children’s story books…You seriously make me laugh with every post…the ally cats calling in nuisance reports…sirens that could wake people who had been dead a week. You crack me up.
I had dolls whose eyes rolled around in their head. They freaked me out.
I’m so far removed from that era. I am looking for children’s book’s for my granddaughter who is learning ring to read….and for me to read to her. You made my day. 🙂
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