Tags
Donald Trump, election, Family, Hillary Clinton, humor, Love, safety pin, super moon
Remember that time the world changed?
In more than six decades on this planet, I’ve really only seen the world as I know it change a couple of times.
- July 20, 1969—As a teenager, I woke up that morning in the only world where human destinies had ever played out. In the afternoon, I sat in our family room with my brothers and sisters staring transfixed at our little (black and white) TV while Neil Armstrong took that small step for man and that giant leap for mankind. I knew the truth—our fathers had made the world safe by winning World War II, we had just won the Space Race, and America was the greatest country in the world. By the time I went to bed, instead of living on a planet, I now had a universe.
- September 11, 2001—As a working mother, I had just dropped my daughter at school and was heading to my office when I heard the first reports on the radio. The announcer didn’t know what had happened exactly, but it seemed that a plane had crashed into one of New York’s iconic Twin Towers. We turned on all the televisions in the conference rooms and nobody even pretended to work as we watched first one and then the other tower collapse, followed by attacks on the Pentagon, and then the passenger-deflected fourth crash. Our generation couldn’t make America safe, but by the time I went to bed, the rest of the world’s emotional support made us all Americans.
- November 8, 2016—As a grandmother, I woke up in a world where another grandmother was set to become President of the United States. By the time I went to bed, the day was long past over, and that dream was too. America had changed on some fundamental level where half of the voters discounted what I heard as racist, misogynistic, hate speech in favor of what they heard as a chance to make America (and more specifically their own lives) ‘great again’. And this time the changed world doesn’t even contain my America.
Get over it.
At first I just struggled to take it all in. I’d lived through elections before, and some of them were hotly contested. But they never felt like the world wasn’t safe here at home, like a wall had gone up overnight between winners and losers.
And then the messages started. People—some I knew personally, some in my various social media groups, some I heard about from friends—had a big problem. To a large degree, men had voted for Donald Trump. By similar margins, women voted for Hillary Clinton, in some demographics by huge margins. Those women were in relationships—lovers, spouses, parents, sisters, friends, daughters, relatives—with people who stood on the other side of that new wall. And those people wanted to celebrate their astonishingly unexpected victory instead of providing emotional support or solace.They wanted the losers to accept the new reality, to “Get over it.”
In emails and phone calls, on Facebook and Twitter and Messenger and Telegram I heard:
- Why doesn’t my family get that I feel like I’m in physical and emotional danger in this new world, and the people who should have my back are instead telling me to lighten up?
- How can I sit opposite them for Thanksgiving when I’m not at all thankful for what’s happened?
- How can I work with people who joke about all the ways things are going to be better for them now?
- How can I spend the holidays with people who are celebrating what terrifies me?
- How can I make love to a partner who voted for a candidate despite his attitudes toward women/minorities/gays/Muslims/immigrants—especially when at least one and probably several of those categories describes me?
On Full Frontal, the liberal late night television show my daughter writes for, Samantha Bee talked about one of her team being followed and harassed. Was it my daughter? Another daughter who writes a commentary column for the New York Times, said she receives regular threats. A sister says she and her fellow gay friends are afraid to leave their homes, and worried that their marriages will be invalidated. Children of immigrants who were born here report being followed by people telling them to “go home”. More than one say they don’t know a way to talk to their own family, their friends, their colleagues who actively supported and are celebrating the victory that they see as a terrifying threat—and they certainly aren’t going to spend the holidays with them.
The Grinch couldn’t stop Christmas. Will Donald Trump?
At the moment, I’m living on an island off the coast of Scotland. Actually, I’m camping out on the porch of the cottage we’re fixing up while we install a few little luxuries like floors, heat, and a kitchen. I’ve talked here about the surprises and gifts my new house has given me, but today might have been the best one of all as one of the painters pulled this out of the dust.
There has been a lot written about the safety pin movement. It has its detractors. Started after the Brexit vote in the UK as a symbol of solidarity with immigrants, wearing a safety pin has been adopted in the US as a simple, easy signal of support for any who feel threatened by this new post-election world. It says without words that there is hope, and caring, and love.
Last night I looked up at that beautiful moon that changed the world when Neil Armstrong stepped out on it so many years ago. But last night, that same moon was closer than it has ever been in my life. It’s the Supermoon and there are still worlds to change. So it may not ever matter to anyone but me, but I’m pinning on that safety pin. And I’m pinning my hopes on changing the world.
Laurie Kaslow said:
Barb, appreciate your words/sentiments that resonate so dearly with me. I feel a bit like being abroad helps with the immediacy of this devastating time. But i also wish I was going to be ard for the million women march in Jan. Change always comes with a price. I hope its one we can bear and can ultimately uplift us
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barbtaub said:
Thank you Laurie for your beautiful comment!
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Andrew Joyce said:
Rome was once a republic. Then, because war and conquest was so glorious to its citizens, Julius Caesar was made emperor. That was the beginning of the end. I don’t know the parallel in America. Perhaps it was the Imperial Presidency started by Nixon. All I do know is that we are in our Caligula or Nero phase. All empires crumble. Genghis Khan’s, Alexander’s, The Roman, The Ottoman, English, and countless empires we have never heard of from before recorded history. It is now America’s turn. But there is nothing to fear. It is the way of the world … it is the way of life.
Evolution is a one-way street. You never go back.
I personally will be all right, but I fear for those who will be hurt by our “Nero,”
Fear grips our world today. But that is nothing new. As humans we are always fearful. Prophets have appeared to show us the way. Lao Tzu, Krishna, Jesus, and The Buddha. What they have all taught (through example) is that ultimately, there is only Love. All negative emotions come from fear — jealousy, hatred, and greed, just to name a few.
Fear of not having enough, fear of not being loved enough, fear of someone that is different from us, fear of someone who worships a different god than we do. There is only fear and love. The prophets mentioned above asked us to live our lives with love. The kind of love a mother has for her child. The kind of love that a man has who jumps in front a bullet to save his friend; love like Mother Teresa had for the poor of this world. The love that Jesus had when he laid down his life.
Love is always stronger than fear.
Love or fear?
The choice is yours.
(Sorry, Barb. I always go off on a tangent. But this is what I thought of after reading your article.)
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Sue Vincent said:
Andrew, your response says everything I could and then some.
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barbtaub said:
Andrew, your amazing response is a post in itself. I’m so honored that you shared it here.
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Andrew Joyce said:
You forgot the “u” in honoured. “When in Rome …”
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Terry Tyler said:
I love both Andrew Joyce’s initial comment, and the one about the ‘u’!!! That Trump won shows how powerful soundbites can be; I am sure few only heard his outing of the Clintons’ dodgy history and his avowal to ‘make America great again’.
Barb, you know the moon landing didn’t really happen, right??!!
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barbtaub said:
[hands over ears while singing full chorus of Na na na na / Na na na na / Hey hey hey / Goodbye…] And I don’t want to hear anything about the Easter Bunny either.
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barbtaub said:
Sorry, Andrew. I had already used up my daily quota of extra ‘u’s…
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quiall said:
I am going to go and find a safety pin. Your words touched me. I too am afraid but I hope and pray we will survive this. I may be in Canada but no where is safe from hatred.
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bearspawprint said:
❤
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bearspawprint said:
Thank you Barb. Thank you so very much. Many of us need your essay. I needed it today. Now. This minute. Thank you. ❤ ❤ ❤ In 1969 my father and step mother where engineer and physicist with NASA at Redstone. ❤ ❤ ❤ 2011 I was mostly alone, and isolated, as a parent educator for my youngest child, upriver from a submarine base, near the flight traffic control center for the southeast USA. On 9/11 I had just turned on the TV to see what might be going on in the world. I seldom watched television. ❤ ❤ ❤ 11/8/2016 We have to keep on keepin’ on doing what we can and make sure our vulnerable friends and neighbors and ourselves, as well, know that we are still of good heart. ❤ ❤ ❤
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barbtaub said:
It has been churning around in me for one of the worst weeks of my life. I am collateral damage from that wall that’s now separating people I love. And I really don’t know how or if it can be fixed.
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bearspawprint said:
XOXOXO It cannot all be fixed. Not in the personal, nor the public. The tears are so big that the patch work will always show. We now know that there are those who would/will inform, when/if such should ever come to be. It is heartbreaking.
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Terry Tyler said:
….. sorry you feel so bad, Barb. Do remember, though, that there is always a big blast of fear/expectation/anticipation/protest/action when someone new is elected…. then people just get on with their lives, and nothing much changes.
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barbtaub said:
You’re right. At my age, I HAVE seen many elections, and have gotten involved in several of them. I’ve been happy or upset with the results, and I’ve learned to live with them.
This feels different.
I’m reminded of my first class at the University of Chicago. “Thesis. Antithesis. Synthesis.” I was a college freshman, entering what I hoped was the right classroom for my Philosophy 101 class, to find these three words on the board. The teacher introduced himself and explained that he would be using what he called, “The Hegelian Triad as the template for the epistemology framing the coming semester. Of course…” He paused to inhale about half a cigarette and gaze with astonishment at the resultant ashfall. “The pejorative view is that Hegel never actually used the triad, and even attributed it to Kant.” The rest of the class laughed dutifully. I wondered if there was any chance I could switch to a class where they spoke English, even as I wrote down for future dictionary search “Hegel. Epistemology. Pejorative. Kant.”
Somehow, Thesis-Antithesis-Synthesis—that process of going from an initial starting place, exploring the opposite of that, and then coming to a final result that incorporates both—stayed with me. I think that was the difference between all those other elections and this one. We are still in the thesis/antithesis stage, lining up across some pretty big divides. But what old Hegel never mentioned is that often the “synthesis” doesn’t happen until you get to those extremes. And sometimes it happens bloody.
Of course I hope we can all move forward. I hope our next choices will be easier. But I’m still scared for all of us.
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Terry Tyler said:
I get what you mean (even though I have just reached for the dictionary for epistemology, and I’m never that sure about perjorative, either).
The world has always been a scary place with lots of dangerous things happening in it. If you have lived most of your life in the 2nd half of the 20th-start of the 21st century in the Western Hemisphere, you are among the most fortunate people ever to have existed. Perhaps we’ve wrapped ourselves in cotton wool a little, I dunno.
I take it you don’t want me to expand on my theories about the unicorn who killed JFK???!! Oh dear, you’re going to love my next book…. well, you might like Rose, who frequently tells boyfriend Dex to put a sock in it. 😉
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barbtaub said:
I can’t wait for Rose, Dex, and the sock!
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marysue said:
Uneducated white males were the base for winning the election. All that hate and sense of entitlement was there, but those of us on the coast didn’t hear it. Trump has given that voice volume and it really hurts my ears to hear it. Our piano teacher has adopted three girls from Haiti. After the election she showed them the map of all the ‘red’ states where they would not be welcome. What a shame. And every girl in the United States learned that you can LEAN IN all you want, but even if your opponent is vastly less qualified if you are a she and he is a he, you won’t win in this country.
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barbtaub said:
That might be the answer our generation has to settle for, but it just can’t be the answer for your friend’s daughters, for our granddaughters and for all the rest of the children, no matter what color their state or their skin is.
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carol hedges (@carolJhedges) said:
Aww Barb! I was at all those iconic things. And now. pace the lovely things some of your contributor have said, I feel an ache of sadness for my grandkids. Because we have not created a world that is a safe place. And when I am gone, I won’t be there to protect them. And yes, things might change, but for those of us who lost family in Hitler’s brutal Germany, this is all bringing back resonances from the past. ((hugs) my good friend and fellow Jew.
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barbtaub said:
Back in the day, my new husband’s family decided to host a reunion so I could meet everyone. The entire family—who had once been related to almost everyone in their bustling town in Poland, whose chain of hotels included stables, carriages, horses, farms and restaurants—now fit around one dining room table, the few adults present the ONLY people known to have survived the Holocaust.
My children have heard the stories, and have studied their history. They hear authoritarian voices spouting hate and they are afraid. I’m afraid for them. And I’m so ashamed that in this day and age, that could even be a thing.
Of course, they are the lucky ones. Their white skin and elite educations mean they won’t be asked to prove their right to be here, like some of their cousins with different skin color or eye shape. They don’t have to worry about their marriage being invalidated or whether it’s safe to take a trip like their aunt who is gay.
They just have to worry about how to explain to their children how those things are part of being American.
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linda1633 said:
You’re probably going to hate me for this, but I did not want Clinton as the first American president. Her record with her Clinton Foundation charity (only 10% of the money raised actually goes to charity), her lack of concern for the security of the Benghazi personnel andofthe subsequent victims, her laughing on tape while talking about getting the rapist of a 12 year old girl freed, her total disregard for the security of highly sensitive political transmissions – a problem that had been linked to the killing of an Iranian nuclear scientist who was providing our nation with information on Iran’s nuclear program, her accepting Clinton Foundation funding from countries who were trying to get political influence, her disregard for her security detail and lack of concern for the law enforcement officers who are being killed in record numbers now …
Law enforcement officers who give up so much in their fight to try to keep the public safe, are treated like dirt by her.
I could go on, but I’m not upset that Hillary lost. I’m not happy that Trump won, but I’ll work with him. I’ll continue to look for that female candidate that will lead our country into a better future. But Hillary wasn’t that for me.
Neither is Trump. But I’m used to handling sexists. And I am tired of seeing my dad survive on little money while his veteran benefits wither to nothing, and his social security doesn’t even get a cost of living raise while greedy politicians raid it for their personal gains. And I’m tired of having more and more of my taxes go to people who refuse to work – not “can’t” work – refuse to work. And I’m tired of paying for the import of thousands of “refugees” who are provided with more than our retired workers. Refugees who consist of strong young males, with the noticeable absence of women and children. Refugees who express their hatred of our country and the religion it was based on.
Sorry to run on, but I’m tired of the way politicians have treated us, especially in the last 8 years. I’m tired of going to the funerals of officers who have their all to keep people safe, only to have terrible things said about them. We’re tired of being the huge middle class who keeps giving more and more, yet are treated like dirt?
Is it really any wonder that our voters elected a “non-politician?
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barbtaub said:
Nope, nope, nope. I can’t hate you for your honest and eloquent opinions. Of all people, you have fought for the very things I think are important, and protected people as you did it.
Calling someone names has never made them change. Telling people to “get over it and move on” is probably not going to work either. You can kill them, lock them up, wall them off…but the only way you can live with them is to embrace their humanity. I think you do that. I think we all have to.
I think you’re a hero.
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Kassandra Lamb said:
Thank you. Barb. Very well stated. I have seen many, many elections. Have been happy about some and disappointed by others, but this is the first time I felt sick to my stomach when the results were in. I’m terrified and I’m a white, middle-class retiree with a good income, good health insurance, living in one of the safest cities in the country. But I’m still terrified. This man is a loose cannon and he is not going to do what those who voted him in thinks he’s going to do.
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jeaniejackson said:
YOU sit just where I do but as much as my feel of Trump is my shock at how little I understand a great number of my friends. They truly see the same thing I see and read it totally differently. I knew we were all accepted different sources for the foundations of our belief in the candidates, at least as far as we can ever believe in them, but I had not idea of the shoes my friends were walking in.
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Mary Smith said:
Such a wonderful, heartfelt post, Barb. Brought a lump to my throat by the time I’d finished reading. I’m off to find a safety pin to wear.
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