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How not to travel in India (part 104).
Whenever I put up a blog post about our travels in India, I get a lot of comments that seem to fall into two categories.
First there are the ones who ask if they can come next time. To you, I have to apologize and explain our travel companion criteria: you have to have seen me in my underwear 40 years ago. Second are those who say they could never travel to India because it’s too… Too dirty/dangerous/big/crowded/scary/much. To you, I’d like to say that you’re probably right not to come. But for everyone in between who is considering the trip of a lifetime, I have a few suggestions about things we’ve learned to take in our stride over the past five years of travels around India. Here are my top ten that come to mind (today anyway):
- Distance: Distances are fluid. If you ask for directions, you will get them cheerfully and often clearly. What you won’t get is any idea of how long they’ll take because each comes with a breezy promise that it’s “just a little distant” [translation: “prepare to walk for blocks in blazing full sun”], or “quite close Madam” [“It’s probably multiple kilometers away, possibly in another city”], or “just along this thing...” [“I have no idea but it must be out there somewhere”].
- Ours is not to reason why: This is actually a corollary to #1.
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Time: IST (India Standard Time): If it’s time for whatever you’ve scheduled to start, that only means you could stop for chai tea, take a few selfies, check your messages, and you’ll still probably wait for things to begin.
- Plan: Planner or pantser? Actually, it doesn’t matter. You can plan for every aspect of your trip, and India will be closed/under construction/offline that day. You can navigate by the seat of your pants, and India will confuse/confound/countermand you. This has two predictable results.
- You conclude that your own home is better in every way and your only hope is to hole up in a McDonalds (not, of course, eating actual hamburgers but their veggie burgers are to die for) until it’s time for your flight home.
- OR you regard this as A Good Thing—often leading to one of those once-in-a-lifetime opportunities that India provides on a regular basis.
- Yes or no?
- Smells: Both the worst and the best you’ve ever encountered.
- Noise: See #4
- Incredibly cheap. And oddly expensive:
- Selfies: Indians of all ages love them. I’ve seen a temple guide wearing only a dhoti whip out a mobile and snap a selfie. (And yes—that phone was stored exactly where you think it was…)
- Kindness of Indian Strangers: Most Indians LOVE to help you, and will go out of their way to do so. They will invite you into their homes, press gifts on you, and honestly seem to be thrilled by your very presence. Warning: this will almost always involve food, often enough to feed small armies. No matter how you try, you won’t be able to eat enough to escape a nagging suspicion that your hosts will burst into tears if you refuse anything. And it’s all soooooooo good!
CarolCooks2 said:
It sounds very much like Thailand, Barb… directions, entry prices and that whistle I think there is a uni degree cert for that, here…I do wish I had seen you in your underwear 40 years ago to qualify as a travel companion…However, India is still on my to-do list but I have no illusions just the promise of glorious sights and food…Have a great weekend 🙂 x
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barbtaub said:
SO worth it for the glorious sights and food! (And the underwear viewers are a VERY small club…)
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Lynette d'Arty-Cross said:
Would love to go! 🙂
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barbtaub said:
I hope you make it to India. It’s an incredible/frustrating/fabulous experience.
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Ritu said:
I love this! My in laws are there at the moment, hopefully not affected by the Indo Pak issues…
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barbtaub said:
So far people are concerned but I don’t see any signs of them being worried. I hope your in-laws have a wonderful visit.
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Ritu said:
I hope so too, 🤗
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Alvin Taub said:
Don’t forget the 8 syllable proper names of people and places.
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barbtaub said:
Usually I try to pronounce names. I am, of course, rubbish at it, but it keeps Janine and Jaya amused.
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Mick Canning said:
Sounds about right. Especially #10 – I have been genuinely stunned at times by how kind very poor Indians can be to a Westerner who is obviously very rich in comparison to them, with no attempt at getting anything in return.
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barbtaub said:
True! (And did I mention the food?)
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Mick Canning said:
The food? Whatever do you mean? whistle
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barbtaub said:
If I could talk (or even move) after the fabulous lunch I just ate, I’d answer that…
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Mick Canning said:
Naturally, I.m not at all jealous.
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jenanita01 said:
Reblogged this on anita dawes and jaye marie.
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barbtaub said:
I really appreciate the reblog! Thanks so much.
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Don Massenzio said:
Reblogged this on Author Don Massenzio and commented:
Check out this entertaining post from Barb Taub’s blog with the Top ten reasons NOT to travel in India
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barbtaub said:
I’m so grateful for the reblog. Thank you!
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Don Massenzio said:
You’re welcome.
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quiall said:
I love to visit India vicariously through you!
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barbtaub said:
You’re a lot safer from Delhi-Belly that way!
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Mary Smith said:
The same head shake is used in Pakistan. Very confusing at first. I’d ask a rickshaw driver if he could take me to…, he’d do the head wobble and I’d walk on. He’d chase after me asking why I didn’t want to take his rickshaw. Reading your posts has made my feet very itchy!
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barbtaub said:
I get the itchy feet! Although… today we went to museum full of stuffed tigers who had been shot because they were eating people. Lots. Tomorrow we’re going on photo safari to tiger preserve in foothills of Himalayas. Is it wrong to hope I will NOT actually see tigers?
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Mary Smith said:
Yes, it’s very wrong. I’m sure you’ll all be quite safe 🙂
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barbtaub said:
😎
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JT Twissel said:
I’d love to go to India but I know it would drive my husband crazy. He’s got to have plans and stick to them. This is a great post, btw.
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barbtaub said:
I hope you make it there someday. Meanwhile—those planners have their uses! I’m sure your holidays are organised and relaxing 😎.
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JT Twissel said:
I plan everything. He just complains if things don’t go according to plans. Flexible he’s not. But he does do the dishes and sort out the finances.
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barbtaub said:
As they would say when I lived in Virginia, “Bless him.” It covered a spectrum of meanings.
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Anne Copeland said:
I loved this once again (not that I have read it more than once) but of all your writing! I don’t know how you do it. You just have a chuckle button inside. Pretty wonderful and also pretty true – I know not of India, but when I visited Mexico, some things were the same. Is this truly universal stuff?
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Andrew Joyce said:
Love the pictures. (The writing was okay, too.)
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Darlene said:
We encounter some of these things in Spain too. But why are we so hung up on time being so precise? I would love to encounter the hospitable people in India. Perhaps one day. I am enjoying your posts, a lot!! Be careful of the people eating tigers. (we don’t have them in Spain)
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barbtaub said:
People don’t eat tigers here either. (Not very often, anyway). But I’m keeping my eyes open just in case!
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insearchofitall said:
Loved reading this and it’s so hilarious that I might have to give it a go if I get the all clear to travel again. Thanks for the giggle.
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barbtaub said:
Fingers-crossed you’ll be heading to India soon!
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Divyangana said:
Nice post! I agree it can be tough if you are an International traveller but it’s worth it. I am an Indian and sometimes even I am amazed by the diversity and the culture. Hope you have a nice trip.
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barbtaub said:
We always end up having a great trip–often made memorable as much by what goes wrong as what we get right.
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utterlycuddly said:
Thanks for the humorous post. Planning to visit someday, and would probably start in the Delhi area as I have some friends/former colleagues there. One of them is a hardcore motorbike junkie and he invited me to one day join him for a long trip around India, but I don’t know if I would have the stamina for it 🙂
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barbtaub said:
Hope you make it over there soon. It’s an incredible experience.
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