There’s a reason we always have plenty of toilet paper here at Chateau Taub.

When I was seventeen, I got a summer job at Travis Air Force Base in northern California after my first year at University. (Yes, that same Travis AFB where the hapless passengers from the now-infamous Grand Princess cruise are still quarantined…) I rented a room from another base employee, a divorced single mother with two children. She told me her former husband said he was leaving her because she couldn’t manage to buy enough toilet paper.

And even though I told her the ex could have bought the TP himself, and even though I swore to NEVER end up with such a drip… Even so, we have NEVER once in our entire married life run out of toilet paper. Costco was invented for me. I always feel a bit more secure when we have enough toilet paper to get through armageddon.

Then we moved to the Isle of Arran off the coast of Scotland, and I began to volunteer at our village charity shop, Eco Savvy. Along with recycling donated goods, Eco Savvy in Whiting Bay carries an amazingly complete line of eco-friendly products including wonderful toilet paper.

So when the coronavirus crisis hit, we had no need to stock up or hoard. I didn’t have to wait with the crowds who stood in line outside Costco for hours, nobody fought with me over those last loo rolls, and I didn’t have to worry about price gougers charging by the TP square…

But for those of you who do worry, I have very good news. EcoSavvy in Whiting Bay has the answer.

But you might want to hurry. Online stocks are already sold out at whogivesacrap. Or there’s always divorce…