[NOTE from Barb: With this year’s Fourth of July approaching, I know I’m not the only one conflicted about the holiday. Like so many others, I’m facing the reality of how far we still have to go just to approach being the country so many of us already thought we were. But I’m also in awe of the Americans who took to the streets to protest the ways our country has fallen so short of our self-image. At the same time the protesters are affirming their belief that we could and should and need to become that country, with “liberty and justice for all” and not just for all who have the right skin color, gender, and religion. So I’m wishing my readers more than fireworks and a barbeque this year. I wish you the country we were always supposed to be. That really would be a Fourth of July to celebrate. 🧨 🇺🇸 🗽]
Remember this a few years ago? FakeNews: Conspiracy whackjob Alex Jones claimed Democrats were launching a new Civil War on July 4th. [Image credit: Daily Progress]
In response, Amanda Blount launched a twitterstorm with her hashtag, #secondcivilwarletters.
Here was my effort:
Morale low. RedHats destroyed our soy milk & quinoa reserves. HuffPost & McSweeneys blocked. Quartermaster just issued our last supplies of asterisks with orders to give a f*ck sparingly.
If I don’t make it, give my NastyWoman t-shirt to my sister & tell her to continue the fight.
Your loving daughter, Barb
But the best part was this response from Danny the Dog:
Danny posted this moving missive from his buddy Andrew Joyce.
Outside Topeka, Kansas
Tuesday 3 July, 2018
I once again take pen in hand to write to you on this hot and humid day. We have been bivouacked here for a few weeks now. There is something in the air, a big push is coming, we feel, but we do not know what, as yet. The generals tell us privates very little of their plans until they order us to charge the enemy. Then it’s, “Forward march! Keep your Utube channels tuned to Rachel Maddow.”
We’ve had the first casualty of our regiment last night. But it was not from the enemy. His name was Wm. Tyrrell. He was a private. He took violently sick after watching a segment on Fox News. He died inside an hour. The doctor said it was Hannity poisoning. The colonel ordered us to be careful of what we watch if not screened by our liberal sensors.
When our endless drilling and parading is at an end for the day, we are ordered to tune into MSNBC. Soon we will vanquish the Conservatives. And then we will laugh as we take their guns away. We have waited so long for this day.
I have not received a letter from you in weeks, but I do not worry. Our postmaster seems to have gotten lost along with our paymaster. However, he found his way back into camp today. He carried no mail because he was cut off by Conservatives. The lines are now open, and he’ll be taking our mail when he leaves on the morrow. I hope to hear from you on his return.
If you recall, in my last letter I spoke of Scott Pruitt? Well, he is to be our next objective. We must drain the swamp, and he is the swamp. I will sign off now so this letter makes it into the mail pouch in plenty of time before the postmaster’s departure.
With each passing day I miss you more than I did the day before. I’m living for that wonderful moment when the Right has been thoroughly vanquished and I can hold you in my arms once again.
As ever, your loving
and devoted husband,
Did you see what Danny did here?
Scott Pruitt, the Trump administration’s head of the EPA, the man who survived commissioning a $43K phone booth in his office as well as a laundry list of other charges that he misused/misappropriated government funds, resigned one day after Danny posted his scathing letter. ONE DAY! Coincidence? Or the Power of the Blog?
(Note: for more of Danny the Dog’s wisdom and humor, check out my review here of his new book, My Name is Danny.)