Tags
40 years, anniversary, contemporary romance, Family, happily ever after, humor, Love, pandemic, relationships, wedding
How did this happen?
This morning I woke up with the same question I asked myself on a morning exactly forty years ago. “How did this happen?” That day, I ate breakfast, put on a wedding dress I didn’t want, got married, and got ready to face the next 40 years.
Today I ate breakfast, put on a great outfit I got on my last trip to India, and got ready to face the next… well, possibly not 40 years. Back then we had to figure out how to cram as many family and friends as possible into the available space—and how to have sex as often as possible despite their presence. Now the Hub and I rattle around an empty house, isolating in place, complete privacy generated by simply turning off Zoom. Back then a single bed and a lumpy pillow was the stuff of true romance. Now our conversation tends to contain phrases like, “If you’re on a respirator, I get your good pillow.” Or maybe speculation like, “For me to collect on your life insurance, it has to look like an accident…”
So… about that happily-ever-after?
I’ve always said the Hub and I have a relationship based on the two purest human feelings: pity and hunger. Back in our college days, I was cooking a traditional Thanksgiving dinner at our apartment when my roommate Max took pity on a pair of grad students she knew would be alone on the holiday, and dragged them to our flat for turkey dinner. One was a tall thin guy who didn’t say two words to me but ate everything that came within reach. We were married two years later. Forty years, four kids, two careers, multiple house moves, and a global pandemic later, you could say we lived happily-ever-after and you’d be right (as I explained here).
But actually, I’ve always felt a bit sorry for those fairy-tale endings. What really happened after Prince Charming slid on that slipper? Did their kids run naked through the throne room? Did the dog throw up the first time they had the King and Queen over for dinner? Did Cinderella blow her first big powerpoint presentation, or did Prince Charming actually give her a new microwave for their first anniversary present? I really hope so, because it’s the things that go wrong we remember the most.
In the lead up to our own wedding, for example, my husband’s deadline for submitting his PhD thesis loomed. My mother was typing it—yes, on a manual typewriter because we’re that old—and everyone was proofreading. My uncle, an airforce chaplain who was going to perform the ceremony, arrived expecting to discuss the sanctity of marriage. Instead, he was handed two chapters on monetary theory and told to mark any typos.
My soon-to-be Hub would look up occasionally to mutter that if he didn’t get the thesis submitted, he couldn’t get married. Each time, my father would go back out to the garage and start working on one of the cars. My mother took a break from typing to look at the wedding dress I’d found in a charity shop, a retro cocktail-length sheath in pink lace. She cried, gave the dress to the sister who was going to be my maid of honor, grabbed another sister, and they went out to buy a (white) wedding dress.
The thesis was typed and posted by courier to barely meet both academic and wedding deadlines. The cars had never been in better shape. My uncle paused in the wedding ceremony for a little speech about how marriage is like a thesis, which made my father cry and my mother laugh. And every time I looked up during the wedding, my sister would point to the beautiful pink lace dress she was wearing, and mouth, “Mine.” She kept the dress, I kept the Hub, and we all kept the memories.
So how about you? What’s YOUR HEA story?
Please let me know your own love story, or one of your favorite happily-ever-after glitches.
Sue Vincent said:
Happy anniversary, Barb. Funny as always,and doubtless that has stood you both in good stead…. yet it was beautiful to read on a teary morning 🙂
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barbtaub said:
So sorry about the teary morning. Sending loads of love.
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Sue Vincent said:
I reckon I can afford the odd one when nothing fits any more 😉 x
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Books & Bonsai said:
Sounds like a HEA to me, Barb… and now I am crying too…
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barbtaub said:
No no, please don’t tear up. I bought him a good pillow too so I’m safe!
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Books & Bonsai said:
Reblogged this on Books & Bonsai.
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barbtaub said:
Thanks so much for the reblog!
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Lynette d'Arty-Cross said:
Lovely. 🙂 Happy Anniversary.
My M and I met in the parking lot of a restaurant and started chatting. A few hours later, we were still chatting, but he totally surprised me when he stopped to announce that he was going to make me fall madly in love with him. He did. We got married nearly two years later, but Dec 30 (the date of the parking lot meeting) is our anniversary. 🙂
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barbtaub said:
I LOVE this. Did you ever revisit the scene of the crime?
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Lynette d'Arty-Cross said:
Oh yes, many times. We moved away though, so only every couple of years, now.
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TanGental said:
Two specific factors have kept her together for 30 cough years. My deeply ingrained understanding of male inadequacy and her inability to smell anything other than shoe polish and hessian dust. Pillows feature too but that is both complex and compromising. Suffice it to say I will never be able to face Mr Jeraboam who used to deliver horse manure again without a full apology. Happy anniversary to you and enjoy Some well earned gelato.
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barbtaub said:
We probably owe our marital longevity to Great Uncle Herbie. He took the Hub aside at our wedding and gave him two pieces of advice. “Never give her a present with a handle,” and “You’re always wrong.” It’s worked for 40 years.
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TanGental said:
Yes, sage words…
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Rosie Amber said:
Congratulations on 40 years together, We celebrated 25 years together in June. A very quiet affair die to the pandemic. The times when I moan and nag are far outweighed by the times he is my rock when I need him the most. May you have many more blessed years together.
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barbtaub said:
Thank you and congrats to you both. I have to admit it was hard to give up the plans for big family party/ anniversary in Venice/ fancy dinner/ or any celebration actually. Maybe for the 50th?
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Judith Barrow said:
As always a great post, Barb. And one that brought back memories! A year ago this weekend we had a big party to celebrate our fifty years together (we were too young at the time to know what we were doing), I’d had flu for the three weeks before, it had snowed… hard… for a week ( we lived in the North of England) and I and our two little bridesmaids wore thermal vests under our finery. On the day, the 10th, the sun came out and we sweltered, profusely. We had been advised (bullied) by one of David’s aunts that we simply had to honeymoon in London at a particular hotel – she booked it – we paid. We drove in thick fog for six hours to London in his old van.We ran out of money by the Tuesday and slunk home in the middle of the night. I too have had a domestic appliance for a birthday present ( a cooker – he too likes eating – luckily I too like cooking) We have bumbled along quite nicely over the years,three kids, five grandchildren and have survived the ‘togetherness’ of the isolation of the pandemic because he loves being out in his garden and I love being in my study writing. Guess it will work this time around as well ( I’ve bought him two heaters for his greenhouses – it’s quite cosy, I believe!)
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barbtaub said:
Lovely story. I like the marriage-saving greenhouse heaters. We talk about the R-word (retirement) but so far he resists, which is possibly a good thing. An old friend we ran into after months of pandemic sheltering expressed amazement that both of us were still uninjured and there weren’t any suspiciously long narrow new beds in the garden.
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Judith Barrow said:
Hahaha!!
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Darlene said:
Happy Anniversary!! A great story. I´m sure your sense of humour has contributed to your HEA! It has certainly helped us get through 43 years. Any man who would marry a woman with two kids and a dog is worth hanging on to. Now we are at two kids, 4 grandkids and two great-grandkids, and 2 dogs two dogs (as of yesterday). I wish you many more years of mad, crazy married bliss. xo
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barbtaub said:
4 grands and 2 greats? You win!
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Cathy said:
Happy anniversary to you both and here’s to many more years.
It’s our 40th in June. There have been ups and downs of course but I’m very happy to have found someone easy going and better still, someone who enjoys cooking. It was no problem (and a great relief) to hand over the apron and leave him to it 😉
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quiall said:
I may not have a HEA story but my parents did. I like to say that my mother picked my father up in a bar after WWII but it was a canteen, my mother was a hostess and the beverage was coffee. Maybe I’ll tell their story in a post. They had 58 years . . . You have inspired me Barb!
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barbtaub said:
Now you absolutely HAVE to tell their story! Preferably with pictures.
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Georgia Rose said:
Huge congratulations on reaching 40 years, Barb! I hope you manage to celebrate in some style, despite the current restrictions. I believe a good sense of humour gets you though most things so it’s no wonder you guys are still together. x
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marysue7 said:
Janet, Eileen and I (3 of your 7 younger sisters) were convinced you were the most beautiful girl in the WORLD… or at least the most beautiful girl we had ever seen. I remember seeing you in that tiny white dress and thinking we were right.
Here is to another 40 years.
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Andrew Joyce said:
I hear you can get a good pillow from the “My Pillow Guy.”
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insearchofitall said:
Congratulations on 40 years. Sounds like a REAL marriage. You did good.
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Davida Chazan said:
We hit 40 last year. It has been pretty good, overall – I mean, we’re both still alive so… Congratulations!
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