With Covid restrictions lifted this week, I’ve (finally) been exploring Florence.
First things first:
Top row: Duomo (Cathedral of Santa Maria del Fiore, begun 1296, completed 1887), Fontana dello Sprone (early 17th century), Michelangelo’s David (1501-4)—17 foot statue that launched the Renaissance.
Middle row: Ponte Vecchio bridge (1345) over River Arno—supposedly the only bridge to escape Nazi bombing because Hitler thought it so beautiful, Palazzo Medici Riccardi, ‘street art’ installation by French artist JR showing exploded vision of real/imagined Strozzi Palace interior.
Bottom Row: Baptistry doors by Lorenzo Ghiberti 1401, one of the countless examples of Florentine street shrines, Mario Luca Giusti Shop
Now that we’ve got that out of the way, Florence exploration showed me…
The mysteriously compelling:
It is a long way to the top. And why would you want to go there?
The necessities of life.
Extremely excellent iced coffee from Tamerò Firenze, Piazza Santo Spirito, Florence
The best (and first and okay, only) haircut I’ve had in two years:
I went to the miracle working Simone Marlazzi at ZiZiAi (chosen for his Covid-comforting “One chair, One client, One stylist” motto). He’s been cutting hair since he was 17, mostly in Florence except for a stint in New York, and his entertaining observations would have made the whole experience fun even without his amazing skills with two years of hair neglect. His colleague, Valeria, an in-demand wedding makeup stylist, saw my caterpillars eyebrows as a personal challenge, and insisted on working her magic there.
⇒NOTE from the Why-I’m-Still-Married-After-All-These-Years files: I didn’t tell the Hub about the haircut, but just waited to see if he’d notice. That night he told me I looked so much younger. Keeper!
And then there are those extra balls and missing penises…
I visited the Medici’s Palazzo Pitti, whose walls are covered with more art masterpieces per square inch than I’d ever seen in one place before. And where there were no masterworks, they added their own. The entire palace is an orgasm of tromp l’oielle on steroids, as in this room from the treasury. I promise, the walls and ceilings are mostly flat, with all the detail painted in. What detail? Well, the ceiling is a supreme example of quadrature perspective designed to draw all eyes to the figure of Grand Duke Ferdinando II sitting on a cloud, as one does, to receive his crown and sceptre from Jove himself. And just in case viewers miss the point about top guy here, a putto waves a scroll inscribed with messages assuring the Tuscan people of how happy they are as the Grand Duke’s subjects. To reinforce, the Medici’s balls are EVERYWHERE. Lots of them, usually in groups of five red and one white. (See the four pediments pointing to the ceiling, each with a crown over the balls. Subtle.) And it wasn’t just their palace: those Medici put their balls all over Florence.
Something’s missing.
As I was walking through the Medici’s Pitti Palace, I couldn’t help noticing something about all the male statues, such as this one of a young Hercules dating from Imperial Roman times. In classic fashion, most were beautifully carved examples of naked manhood, some Greek and Roman statues, others more ‘modern’ Renaissance-era copies. And every one was missing one essential element. I asked one of the guides, but she just said old statues were fragle. She didn’t meet my eyes. Luckily, a quick GFC (Google Fact Check) turned up the theory a Pope in later years was so offended by the manhood on display that all statues were required to cover up, at least during papal visits. (Since the Medici placed multiple scions into the role of Pope, this was probably more frequent than you might expect.) But those fig leaves just wouldn’t lie flat, so…
And finally:
I’ve looked at dwarves from both sides now.
Morgante by Agnolo di Cosimo, Florence 1503-1572 The portrait is painted on both sides, showing Cosimo I’s favourite dwarf Braccio di Bartolo, nicknamed Morgante, from front and back. The two scenes capture different moments in a bird hunt, one of the Duke’s preferred pastimes, with Morgante holding an owl on front as the start of the hunt, while the rear of the canvas is also the rear of the dwarf. Visiting popes must have been relieved at the presence of two butterflies providing concealment for what can’t be broken off in paintings.
I also can’t be the only one to stare at that description of the two-sided painting. How does someone have a ‘favorite’ dwarf? Turns out that along with spare balls and penis-less statues, the Medici collected dwarves, at least five at a pop, so they could have a favorite dwarf and a batch of emergency-backup dwarves. I’m guessing they were careful to keep a lot of butterflies around during papal visits.
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annemariedemyen said:
Love your new haircut and all the artwork. Interesting stuff for sure. 🤔
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barbtaub said:
Thanks so much!
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marysue7 said:
Haircut looks GREAT! the broken off penises not so much …
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barbtaub said:
I heard a rumor today about trays of labelled and cataloged penis fragments deep in the Vatican. I’m pretty sure there’s a story there!
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Kassandra Lamb said:
Wow! You are definitely making up for lost time. I want to go to Florence now. And I love the haircut!!
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barbtaub said:
Do both! Haircut AND Florence visit.
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beth said:
i love your hair, a very flattering cut! as for the lack of male prowess, hard to say where they ended up )
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barbtaub said:
I met someone today who said there are drawers of cataloged penis bits in the Vatican. Pretty sure there’s a thriller in there somewhere.
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beth said:
Of course there are
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Rosie Amber said:
And Barb is back! Great haircut.
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barbtaub said:
There was a massive hair pile on the floor. My middle-finger salute to Covid.
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Geoff said:
Rather a worry, that penis obsession. I’ll bear in mind if I’m sat next to a Medici at dinner. Definitely an occasion to keep the napkin on my lap. Btw I popped a little review of your latest travelogue the other day. It was terrific – the book,, not the post…
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barbtaub said:
How can I thank you enough for that wonderful review? I’m still laughing…
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Cathy said:
Love the haircut…and the iced coffee. Florence looks amazing!
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barbtaub said:
Florence is amazing…and super hot. Thanks for your kinds words about the haircut. I couldn’t believe the pile of shorn locks on the floor but I feel a million times better.
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April Munday said:
Just seeing the opening photos made me smile. I want to visit Florence again, but I think it will be a while yet. The haircut is wonderful; no wonder the hub noticed.
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barbtaub said:
This might just be the best time ever to visit Florence. Covid restrictions are lifted, but the tourists are only just starting to come back. The museums are limiting access, so I was able to see David with only a few other people there, instead of behind a sea of selfie-sticks. Restaurants have space, buses aren’t crowded, and the city is coming back to life.
And we leave in one week. (Is there an emoji for feeling both happy and sad? 🥴)
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April Munday said:
I didn’t realise your time there was almost up. I hope you’ve seen all you want to. I was only there for a week, but I fell in love with it.
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pollymorse said:
Um, my human envies your travels, your food, and now your hair!!!! Love it all.
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barbtaub said:
I know cats only want to be where they were yesterday and eat what they ate yesterday, but please tell your human she’s always welcome to join me!
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Darlene said:
A fab do! I´m sure you felt good after that. A great mini-tour of Florence. Too bad about the missing body parts. I´m sure many men wince as they walk by.
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barbtaub said:
I feel like a bit of a perv, because actually none of the men seemed to notice, or if they did they weren’t commenting. A friend promises to send documentation about a secret catalog of those missing boy bits. Stay tuned!
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Léa said:
I’m rarely surprised. However, the title threw me off… I had been expecting politics, Washington style.
I’m glad you had a wonderful time. Iced coffee is, indeed, a necessity.
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barbtaub said:
I’m a late but fervent iced coffee convert. (We’re the most annoying ones.)
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Léa said:
If I were ever that unwell, I would need it via IV.
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noelleg44 said:
Oh, I loved this! I am very envious of your tour – and you look gorgeous!
Did you know there is a replica of Ghiberti’s doors at the cathedral in San Francisco?
The fig leaves are a definite disappointment…
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barbtaub said:
Because I grew up in the Bay Area, I did know about that. For a while, I believe there were several copies being made, but that’s been halted.
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Teagan Riordain Geneviene said:
Ha!!! Barb, you slay me as always. I didn’t know about the Medici balls. That’s interesting. Maybe there’s some kind of code or secret path in where they’re placed that leads to the location of the missing penises… Now I have a Dan Brown style story churning in my head. LOL Hugs on the wing!
PS: Lookin’ good!
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barbtaub said:
No seriously! That’s the story making the rounds here. Several people claim there’s a place deep in the Vatican recesses, where cataloged and labeled penis bits are stored. I have no proof, but I’d love to get some!
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Teagan Riordain Geneviene said:
Ah. I didn’t read the other comments until now.
hmm…Then again, the penis-nappings also happened before the invention of… “personal massage devices” so…perhaps a more mundane explanation. LOL. B.o.b. would never kiss and tell.
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Judith Barrow said:
What a title to the post!!! You are incorrigible, Barb. And looking good!
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barbtaub said:
Thanks Judith. I hesitated on the title (for at least a nanosecond) but then thought WTH
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Judith Barrow said:
Hahaha… I bet !!
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joylennick said:
Great stuff, Barb. I loved Florence and had just finished reading A Room with a View when there. Could have stayed a month…Shame about the lack of shmeckles…tee hee. Take care. Cheers. xx
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Jenny said:
Awesome 💇🏻♀️ Be careful not to get Stendhal syndrome!
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Andrew Joyce said:
One can never have enough emergency-backup dwarves.
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BERNADETTE said:
This post was so much fun to read. Can’t wait to read more of your writing.
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