There was only one catch and that was Catch-22, which specified that a concern for one’s safety in the face of dangers that were real and immediate was the process of a rational mind.—Joseph Heller, Catch-22
“They’re trying to kill me.” (I was absolutely not whining.)
My husband didn’t look up from his phone. “No one is trying to kill you.”
I didn’t have to think about it to know he was wrong. (We’ve been married a long time.) “They aren’t even pretending to put their facemasks over their noses. AND they’re breathing at me.”
“They’re breathing at everyone,” he pointed out in the reasonable tone he should know by now put him at extreme risk.
“Oh, yeah. They’re shuffling along trying to kill everyone,” I agreed. “It’s like the zombie apocalypse, only with more snot and less brain-noshing.”
“It’s a pandemic.” He looked up at last. “It’s nothing personal, you know.”
“No, they’re definitely trying to infect me. Shouldn’t they be sent to jail? Or Texas?”
It wasn’t the first time he’d heard this. “I thought you were going to look for a therapist?”
He was right, of course. I’d been in lockdown with the Hub for over a year and frankly, I needed help. But so did everyone else in the world. It was Catch-22. I couldn’t get emergency therapy because it was sane to expect everyone else to be insane (and those without facemasks to be potential serial killers) during a pandemic.
Luckily, there was one therapist I could turn to, one I could always count on. The only one who would always love me with single-minded ferocity eclipsing all else (with the possible exception of anyone holding her filled bowl at food:o’clock). Being the center of my dog Peri’s world was always heady stuff, even if it was a canine universe that regularly smelled pretty ripe, regurgitated disgusting things under my dining room chair, and farted. A lot.
“You would make a great therapist,” I told her. “Can you say, ‘And what do we do when we are sad?'”
Peri put her chin on her crossed paws, tilted her head to the side, and raised one ear.
“Close enough.” I handed her a doggie biscuit. “You’re hired.”
For the rest of the pandemic, Dr. Dog was in with all four paws, and Peri completely nailed the therapist role. She never judged, because everything I did that didn’t involve a dog bath was cause for joy and (if doggie biscuits were involved) actual ecstasy. It was an exclusive medical network with only two subscribers, so I never needed an appointment and she was always thrilled to see me. And she never, ever said our time was up for the day because, well… she couldn’t tell time.
Peri didn’t do online therapy, of course, because she was convinced any voices she couldn’t smell must belong to ghosts. And I couldn’t argue with her rates: half a biscuit at the beginning and end of each session bought her undivided attention. (Unless a total stranger came by with a tennis ball, at which point Peri would completely forget her own name and my presence in the universe. But she never took time off from our therapy to play golf or attend medical conventions.)
We shared the couch, pre-dawn walks, mutual therapy, and a pandemic. And it worked. I didn’t do jail time for assaulting serial killers anti-maskers, and she didn’t eat out of the trash can. Mostly.
Darlene said:
They are the best therapists and I have two of them. Of course, the little one thinks she knows best and Dot just smiles knowingly. Glad to see Peri is still proving therapy for you from doggie heaven. Such a sweet dog. xo
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barbtaub said:
I’m pretty sure dogs can be guardian angels, right?
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Darlene said:
No doubt about it!
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OIKOS™- Art, Books & more said:
Reblogged this on NEW BLOG HERE >> https:/BOOKS.ESLARN-NET.DE.
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barbtaub said:
Thanks so much for the reblog!
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OIKOS™- Art, Books & more said:
Thank you as well for the also very funny story, Barb! Enjoy a nice rest of the week! xx Michael
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OIKOS™- Art, Books & more said:
Oh yes, i am sure dogs (or also cats) are the best therapists, in such a situation. They only will wonder about the muzzles they normally have to wear, and now are worn by the humans. Lol Best wishes, Michael
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barbtaub said:
Luckily, they don’t care what you look like, and we all (presumably) smell the same as we did before we put on the facemask.
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OIKOS™- Art, Books & more said:
Thats true, Barb! What would we do without them? xx Michael
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joylennick said:
Tee hee. Always a pleasure to read your posts, Barb. Of course, being an American…(forgive me) you need a therapist and who better than your lovely dog: canine and able…Hugs xx
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barbtaub said:
And there wasn’t even a deductible on her coverage!
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noelleg44 said:
How wonderful that you had such an understanding and therapeutic dog! My cat kept me aloof company the whole time. And I did mainline ice cream on a regular basis!
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barbtaub said:
NEVER underestimate the therapeutic power of judiciously-applied alcohol, chocolate, and ice cream.
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beth said:
What a wonderful therapist!
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barbtaub said:
The best, and SO cheap.
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barbtaub said:
She did not, however, validate parking…
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beth said:
right, a win-win
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directorfukwetours said:
Hello
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JT Twissel said:
Such a cute idea! I love it.
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barbtaub said:
Thanks so much!
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Kassandra Lamb said:
Dogs are far better listeners than husbands, that’s for sure. Glad you had her to keep you sane. I am quite positive she is now your guardian angel!
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barbtaub said:
And the best part of guardian angels? You hardly ever have to scoop their poop!
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Kassandra Lamb said:
LOL
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marysue7 said:
My cousin Chris who (at the time) had 3 teenagers told me that some days the ONLY ONE who looked at her with unconditional love was her DOG. They really are amazing to have in your life.
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barbtaub said:
Chris knows what she’s talking about. And when those kids have left, the dog will still love her.
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Lynette d'Arty-Cross said:
Dogs are absolutely wonderful. Our Rudy crossed the rainbow bridge 6 years ago and due to my lifestyle, I haven’t looked for another canine friend. But soon …
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barbtaub said:
I know you must miss Rudy. I hope that “soon” is very soon!
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Kiki said:
Barb, you have put it all in a short post. I’m saying the very same to everybody who cares to listen. When I was deeply unhappy in my former mariage, our little dog with the heart of Mt Everest and the stomach of an industrial sized bin was there for every single one of our family. Whosoever needed attention, she gave it, for free (well a biscuit or three, or failing that anything she could steal helped….). When she was to be put down at 18 because all her systems shut down, we were all heartbroken. Now I’m eldely, but often away with my 2nd Love of my Life, I can’t have a dog, and it still makes my heart sad on a daily basis, when I see everybody hanging out with their pets. Thank you for this real therapeutic lesson – even if it comes from your doggie through pet heaven. They are priceless!
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barbtaub said:
Kiki, this made me laugh at the “stomach of an industrial sized bin” and cry at how you miss her. Even though they only stay with us for too little time, their memories last us forever.
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Kiki said:
🐕🥰
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Susie Lindau said:
LOLOL! Dogs are the best therapists!
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directorfukwetours said:
Hello
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Andrew Joyce said:
There is something going on here that I don’t understand. I clicked on the picture to by the book and all I got was a bigger picture. What’s the deal?
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barbtaub said:
That’s because it’s not actually a book yet. More like a trial run that I’m not sure about…
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Jennie said:
Dogs are the best therapists, listeners, non judgmental… and their fee is a treat and a pat.
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