Sorry about missing the last Tuesday update, but I’ve been busy moving to Scotland. The last couple of times I moved, it involved one suitcase. One. Really. (I have a shopping list on Ikea to furnish an entire apartment in flat pack. At last count, I’d bought the Ektorp sofa at least five times.) But that was before I discovered online furniture auctions.
PSA Tip: bidding on fabulous online auction bargains while on serious pain meds could be dangerous. You might end up with a pink living room set. With fringe…
So when I found out we’d be moving to Scotland, I looked around my fully-furnished and fringed four bedroom tower in the castle in a northeast corner of England and thought about options:
- ‘Accidental’ fire
- Full flat charitable donation
- GFC
The first option was tempting but burning down a medieval castle that belongs to friends is probably not an avenue for karmic growth. The second was out because charities turn out to be remarkably resistant to climbing narrow circular stairways to retrieve my pink fringed crap generous donations, especially when they need to carry them back down said narrow circular stairways, across a courtyard the size of a football field, and out the portcullis gates. Who knew?
The third option, Google Fact Check, took 0.28 seconds to come up with “about 2,500,000,000 results” offering tips for packing and moving. (Am I the only one who finds it unnerving that this works out to about one tip for every three people on the planet?) Most took the form of fantasy timelines, like those wedding checklists that start with “Three Years Before Your Wedding Date – reserve venue, interview wedding planner, hire caterer” and end with a suggestion that you squeeze in meeting the groom somewhere in the six months before your big day.
GFC Tip |
Really? ‘Cause here’s what I did… |
Tip #1: Three months before move, decide what will stay and what goes with you. |
Two facts made this a speedy process. First: the all-possessions-destroyed-in-tragic-fire option was off the table. Second: we found a new** house and were moving in a week. **[Translation: And by “new” we mean 200+ year old victorian instead of 1000+ year old medieval] |
Tip #2: Two months before move, select movers and book date. |
Since the date selected was a week away, mover selection boiled down to some hang-up calls, a few questions about my mental stability, and one moving company who just had a cancellation. Score! |
Tip #3: Get boxes and label them |
I thought I could get boxes from some of the local shops. You’d think I was asking the store managers to sell their children into a degrading life of sex trade slavery or becoming phone solicitors for roofing products. “We recycle 100% of our boxes,” they protested. “We can’t just give them to you to use again.” RECYCLING:GFC revealed that you could buy used boxes (probably recycled by my local shops). A set of 65 boxes was surprisingly affordable, so I ordered two packages, figuring everything that didn’t fit could be packed into drawstring trash bags. They arrived with one banker-sized box in each package, one slightly larger box, and 63 boxes suitable for packing a mug or two. I went to Costco and bought a crate of disposable trash bags. |
Tip #4: Moving Supplies. Buying the correct supplies (paper, foam, packing peanuts, box cutter, markers, mattress covers, etc.) will save time and energy. |
|
Tip #5: Order pre-printed labels |
What a good sense of humor these list writers have. |
Tip #6-Gazillion: How to pack appliances, dishes, pictures, etc. |
My personal approach was to pack my china and then get the flu. I highly recommend this plan, and only wish I’d started worshipping at the porcelain throne much earlier. I also recommend doing this in the north of England, where people are just way too polite. The moving crew looked in disbelief at the neatly labeled boxes of china and the completely unpacked state of the rest of my flat. But my new BFF and owner of the moving company, Mr. Nelson, said, “We’ll take care of all of it for you, Flower.” (He also called me “Petal” and made me a cup of tea.) I had wasted several days packing the first boxes because I kept looking at the stuff I was putting in them, labeling them and keeping a list of contents as suggested in the Tips. But Mr. Nelson, who (his crew informed me) was in his seventies, blew through my flat like a hurricane, sweeping everything into boxes with detailed labels like “kitchen” or “not kitchen”. |
Most Important Moving Tip: Pack an Essentials Box |
I looked over several lists of things that were supposed to go into your Open-First box: dish soap and tea towel, small toaster oven, dishes and eating utensils, flashlight, shower curtain, shampoo & conditioner, change of clothes, sheets and towels, trash bags, tool kit, sewing kit, first aid kit, radio—the list goes on and on. Seriously? If you take even half of that stuff, you won’t have any room for the real essentials– tequila and margarita mix, blender, the dog’s food/toys/dishes/meds/treats/bed, and of course, your hotel reservation. Okay, if you have room you can throw in a change of underwear and a toothbrush, but let’s be practical. There’s sure to be a lingerie store in the new city. |
So here I am in the new house staring at Mt. Cardboard. And it’s like Christmas. Each box I open could contain anything from my socks to that really hot book that lived on the back of the top shelf of my closet.

My labeling efforts deteriorated as the flu took over. (My daughters find these little bears very scary. They cite the presence of a severed head being used as a bucket by one little bear. Clowns, they add, are never good, and somewhere a headless little clown figure is probably wreaking unimaginable havoc on an innocent populace.)
My bad.
Next Tuesday update? You Can Take the Girl Out of the Castle…
Few people can make me laugh about the flu, but you certainly did. I chuckled through the entire post.
And, those suggested activities lists–they’re very obviously throw aways from a room full of fantasy writers.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I know what you mean. I’m a fantasy writer myself, but ordering preprinted labels for my moving boxes is too farfetched even for me.
LikeLike
Oh, boy, I mostly found this post funny, but also scary, and it wasn’t just those bears at the end . . .
Moving has got to be up there with speaking in public and being diagnosed with an incurable disease on the list of things that people dread most.
LikeLike
Generally speaking, I think clowns are way scarier. I can’t really say why I find my bears carrying severed clown heads or riding on stoned sheep so appealing. Must have something to do with how much they bother my daughters.
LikeLike
I will miss the castle and your stories of the village folk, but I am certain your new stories will be just as entertaining 🙂
LikeLike
Since the village refuses to take me off of coffee-morning rotation, I’ll still be back at least once a month to catch up. Stay tuned!
LikeLike
Haha! I recall your getting put on that list. I did not know that it was irrevocable!
LikeLike
Apparently, you get off by turning 90 or dying. Whichever comes first…
LikeLike
All should be well if you hang on to the tequila and margarita mix. Can’t wait to read about your new adventures!
LikeLike
“Haggis Martinis”
I saw this sign on a bar as we drove past, but didn’t get my camera out soon enough. Must go back.
LikeLike
Oh, that’s wonderful! My sister once sent me a photo of a sign for a school fundraiser where the mascot was a wolverine – it said “Wolverine Lasagna Dinner”.
LikeLike
Moving always stinks. Packing everything is a nightmare. Good luck in the new home.
You might want to add tip #11 – have exorcist remove ghosts from new castle!
LikeLike
Actually I’m *hoping* for a new ghost. Already miss the White Lady, and only the dog ever saw her…
LikeLike
My dear girl, if you keep moving north you’ll soon be on the Orkney isles 😉 The flu is lousy any time…but when you’ve got to pack and move, that’s really the pits! Good luck in your new home!
LikeLike
Lots of new things to learn about. (Haggis martini: how is that even a thing?)
LikeLike
You’re kidding right?
LikeLike
Pingback: Friday Fictioneers February 28, 2014 | Bastet and Sekhmet's Library
Glad you got moved and are over the flu. I had to click on the sofa…”make yourself comfortable…for years.” Interesting. I’m so intrigued by the pink fringe. I personally think you can write GFCs a lot better (and so much funnier) 🙂 . Accidental fire…oh so funny. I will miss the castle but your writing makes me tear up no matter where you are—tears from laughter 😀 .
LikeLike
Off to another adventure! Love the undie packing material… Hope you are over the flu!
LikeLike
I’m late catching up on this one. LMAO through the whole thing. I like to be organized myself but that tips list is a little over the top. Sounds like it was written by someone with severe OCD.
I’ve always packed breakables in the sheets and towels. Saves on packing supplies and the linens have to get to the new place anyway. But I like the idea of using hubster’s undies even better!
LikeLike
Pingback: Separated by a common language | Barb Taub
Pingback: “Are we still friends?” #SundayBlogShare | Barb Taub
Pingback: Separated by a common language #Blogversary #humor #ThrowbackThursday | Barb Taub