TRAVEL SERIES: YOUR CAMELS ARE HERE, BOOK 2.
PLEASE DON’T ASK FOR EXTRA GLASSES
After our travel adventures the year before in which none of us technically died—although at times it seemed an attractive option—my two long-suffering travel companions, Jaya and Janine, actually agreed to another India trip. This time, we chose Rajasthan as a destination, mostly in hopes it would be as far as possible from people who might remember us from last year.
Join us as we crash a wedding our first night, fall victim to an ancient curse, ride camels across a desert and elephants up a mountain—and eat our way across Rajasthan in search of adventure, elephants, temples, palaces, western toilets, monkeys, the perfect paratha… and the kindness of Indian strangers.
LIFE BEGINS WHEN THE KIDS LEAVE HOME AND THE DOG DIES
Chapter 1. A California girl named Barb met her prince of a guy. He was tall, dark, and handsome. (Actually, he was a Republican. But he was definitely tall.) They fell in love, and got married.
Chapter 2. He brought her to his castle in England and they lived happily ever after. THE END**
**Luckily, 35+ years of living happened between Chapters 1 and 2, giving Barb plenty of material for this collection (in no particular chronological order) from her newspaper columns, articles, blog posts, and that time she killed Mom.
And that’s before Chapter 3 even starts.
“Anecdotes that beg to be read. You could read it in one go (has anyone ever actually died laughing?) or keep dipping in and out. It lends itself to either. But whichever you choose, eating and/or drinking while reading is not advised, as several people have found to their (and their appliances’) costs.”—CathyR for Between The Lines Book Reviews
“Top Stuff! This is a collection of articles, all with a family theme, from Barb’s own childhood, about her parents and siblings, and about her own children and family life. Later, she touches upon death, and writing….they are all really, really funny. I read a lot of PJ O’Rourke, and Barb Taub’s style reminds me of his lighter, more domestically-orientated pieces. The off-the-wall snark’s all there.“—Terry Tyler, Author of Project Renova series
“Prepare to be entertained! With her quick-witted sparky humour I’ve learned that when one of Barb’s posts arrive in my inbox I have to put all else aside (including any liquids, I’ll say no more!) and buckle up for what I’m about to read. Get this book and prepare to be entertained, you can thank me later.” —Georgia Rose, Author of The Grayson Trilogy
“This book needs to come with a humor warning! This book needs to come with a warning: ‘Caution: Do Not Eat Or Drink While Reading This Book! You will spew food or liquid everywhere when you laugh out loud.’ Every chapter will have you laughing at Barb’s unique take on life.”—Kassandra Lamb, Author of Kate Huntingdon Mysteries
“Snorting good fun… There are a very few books I have read that have the ability to force me to snort my tea whilst (noticed I used whilst) enjoying my morning cuppa. I should sue for cleaning but I was having too much fun. This rollicking escapade had me in stitches one minute and pondering the next. I could see my own childhood through their eyes and I was touched. As soon as I finished the book I wanted to read it again. I am sure this will become a well thumbed volume. Figuratively speaking. Thanks Barb, great read!”—Author P E Read
TRAVEL SERIES: YOUR CAMELS ARE HERE
BOOK 1: DO NOT WASH HANDS IN PLATES:
Elephant Frenzy, Parathas, Temples, Palaces, Monkeys, and the Kindness of Indian Strangers
Despite blizzards, canceled flights, de-icing delays, and an adjacent passenger who had made unfortunate food choices resulting in alarming gastrointestinal events, I arrived in India. The theory was that I would fly in from my home in Scotland, Janine would come from Washington DC, and Jaya would meet up with us at the airport. Nobody who knows any of us thought for a second that this could really occur.
Actual conversation at Passport Control, Mumbai:
Janine: “Well no, I don’t have my friend’s address or phone number. But she’s going to pick me up at the airport. She lives in Gujarat. That’s in India.”
Passport Control: [SO not impressed]
This is the story of three women eating our way across India in search of adventure, elephants, temples, palaces, western toilets, monkeys, the perfect paratha…and the kindness of Indian strangers.
“If you’re a fan of Barb Taub’s excellent blog you will love this book, and if you’ve never heard of her until this moment, you’ll love it just as much 🙂 … It’s short, a very pleasant afternoon’s reading, and so funny! I started off highlighting passages for quotes, soon realising I would end up quoting more of the book than I was leaving out. Not many books make me laugh out loud, but this did.”–Terry Tyler, bestselling author of eleven novels including HOUSE OF YORK
“This little gem embodies travel as it’s meant to be, a happy meld of disequilibrium, laughter and awe. I assure you, it’s a trip worth taking.”–Amazon Customer
Loved this book. A fast, easy, and very enjoyable read. This quote about sums it up for me: “I am not a sharer. My dog is never allowed in my bed, my books never leave my house, and I never ever occupy a hotel room with those I haven’t wed or given birth to— and sometimes, not even with them.” Ms. Taub has a wonderful sense of humor.” –Andrew Joyce, author of several books including REDEMPTION
“The author has the wonderful gift of seeing humor in life’s events and capturing it in words in a most humorous and entertaining way. It’s almost guaranteed to put a smile on your face. Reading it is a reminder to look at the world with fresh eyes and sense of enjoyment for whatever comes.”–Amazon Customer
“Barb’s writing is entertaining, the travelogue was informative and Jaya’s and Janine’s pictures were wonderful. I highly recommend this for anyone who wants a quick getaway without leaving home.”–Amazon Customer
NULL CITY SERIES:
[NOTE FROM BARB: I’ve split with my publisher, so books 1-4 are getting a makeover in time for the release of OPEN FARE, the final NULL CITY book. If you’d like to read free copies before then, I invite you to join the Beta Reader team. Please send email (barbtaub (at) gmail (dot) com and be sure to let me know which format you prefer. I’ll send you my undying thanks plus advanced readers copies of all books, including the upcoming OPEN FARE.]
NULL CITY: You have to understand that everyone in Null City is a normal human. Most of them just didn’t start out that way. Imagine you’re some superhero with special gifts or abilities that are, frankly, damn awkward. Let’s say, for example, that you are the Man of Steel, but you don’t dare have sex with the Plucky Girl Reporter because your LittleMan of Steel would probably split her in two. (And we’re not even going to discuss the havoc your Swimmers of Steel could wreck on Woman of Pasta…)
The point is that when you think about it, most people with special powers would be lining up to get rid of them and get their normal lives back. That’s where Null City comes in. After one day there, those with extra gifts turn into their closest human counterparts. Dragons, for example, might become realtors. Or imps become baristas. (Of course, those imps are now ex-PhD candidates in literature or classics who claim to be experts on third-world coffee blends and obscure world music groups. But hey — there is only so close to human that hellspawn can get…)
AVAILABLE FROM MOST ONLINE BOOKSELLERS INCLUDING AMAZON, BARNES & NOBLE AND PUBLISHER HARTWOOD.
ONE WAY FARE, Null City Book 1
Null City is the only sanctuary for Gaby Parker and Leila Rice, two young women confronting cataclysmic forces waging an unseen war between Heaven and Hell. Gaby and her younger brother and sister are already targets in the war that cost their parents’ lives. Should they forsake the powers that complete their souls and flee to Null City? Meanwhile, Leila has inherited a French chateau, a mysterious legacy, and a prophecy that she will end the world. Gaby and Leila become catalysts for the founding and survival of Null City.
“How can you not love a tale that makes witty pop-culture references to such things as the Evil Overlords list, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the Star Trek/Star Wars debate, and the Princess Bride?” –LR Barlow, Award-winning author of romance, contemporary, historical fiction
“What an awesome combination of real characters, fascinating world, and exciting action! Great read! This one kept me reading all the way through to the very satisfying end!” — Mary Rosenblum, best-selling author and instructor at the prestigious Clarion West Writers Workshop
“This is a craftily-written, well-edited page turner, with a plot twist and/or nail-biting cliff-hanger around every corner.” –Juliet Waldron, best-selling historical novelist
“An excellent tale by a mother-daughter team and a strong beginning to what is certain to be a compelling series.” —Kristy McCaffrey, author of Wings of the West series
Hope flares each morning in the tiny flash of a second before Lette touches that first thing. And destroys it.
Her online journal spans a decade, beginning with the day a thirteen-year-old inherits an extreme form of the family “gift.” Every day whatever she touches converts into something new: bunnies, bubbles, bombs, and everything in between.
Lette’s search for a cure leads her to Stefan, whose fairy-tale looks hide a monstrous legacy, and to Rag, an arrogant, crabby ex-angel with boundary issues. The three face an army led by a monster who feeds on children’s fear. But it’s their own inner demons they must defeat first.
“If you like Null City’s fast paced edgy romance cum chase scene, Don’t Touch is a different tempo with the same cool, different, and edgy characters.”– Mary Rosenblum, best-selling author and instructor at the prestigious Clarion West Writers Workshop
“What a fabulous story! I really enjoyed this unique book, full of interesting characters and fascinating magic powers. The idea of people inheriting abnormal powers that they just want to be rid of, and what they go through to make that happen (or learn to live with who they are) makes engrossing reading.” — Reviewer Sonoma Lass
“…let me tell you I want to read more of this heroine and her companions…Her feelings and decisions resonate well within me, and the two male characters pose a fantastic balance to her emotional evolution and to the story. One of them is really important to help Lette realize who she is. The other one is strangely well suited to her wits and temper. Both of them are necessary and very welcome…There is magic, bad guys you want to punch in the gut, intense love interests, mysterious entities, and lots of fun. Definitely worth a read. “ — Tower of Babel Reviews
Tales From Null City, Null City Book 3In the world of Null City… Superpowers suck. If you just want to live a normal life, Null City is only a Metro ride away. After one day there, imps become baristas, and hellhounds become poodles. Demons settle down, become parents, join the PTA, and worry about their taxes. But outside of Null City, now that the century-long secret Nonwars between Gifts and Haven are over and the Accords Treaty is signed, an uneasy peace is policed by Wardens under the command of the Accords Agency. Just for the Spell of It
Liam is an ungodly soccer-playing card sharp on a mission from God. Eirie is a beautiful punk fairy princess with her own daytime radio talk show. They’ve worked cases for the Accords Agency before, but with war between realms looming and her baby sister as the bargaining chip, partnering just got personal.
Claire Danielsen is a young witch whose goddess is house cat of unusual size. Peter Oshiro is a Warden policing a delicate truce between those who are human and those who… aren’t.
It just would have been nice if someone told them the angels were all on the other side.
Warden Carey Parker’s to-do list is already long enough: find her brother and sister, rescue her roommate, save Null City, and castrate her ex-boyfriend. Preferably with a dull-edged garden tool. A rusty one.
Carey knows superpowers suck, her own included. From childhood she’s only had two options. She can take the Metro train to Null City and a normal life. After one day there, imps become baristas, and hellhounds become poodles. Demons settle down, join the PTA, and worry about their taxes. Or she can master the powers of her warrior gift and fight a war she can’t win, in a world where she never learned how to lose.
And then there is… him. For the past two months, a dark stranger has persistently edged his way onto the mental game board behind her eyelids. Well, whatever trouble he’s selling, Carey Parker is not buying.
She just has a few details to work out first. Her parents have been killed, her brother and sister targeted, and the newest leader of the angels trying to destroy Null City might be the one person she loves most in the world. And her sexy new partner’s gift lets him predict deaths. Hers.
It just would have been nice if someone told her the angels were all on the other side.
“Two wonderfully entertaining and imaginative additions to the Null City series and, as with all the stories, a fun look at distinct and unusual worlds people by great characters.”–Between The Lines Bookblog
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You are an amazing person Barb! Thank you for all you do and WRITE! Love and hugs ~ Orkess
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What a nice comment! You have totally made my day.
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Douglas Wallis said:
Hello Barb, can you hear me? You are not alone there are other displaced souls out here.
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I am not sure I am happy I got introduced to you. I HAVE to read all your books now. There goes the rest of my week/end. Sigh. If my family dies of starvation or something, you are the sole cause. Consider yourself warned.
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Could I send them cookies? Chocolate?
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So I was just stumbling around the internet looking for humor writers and there you were with some interesting sounding titles I will have to check out. Can’t get enough humor in these times.
I’m trying to build a following with my odd pastiche of humorous science and animal themed essays for the book I have coming out, but it’s not easy for someone like me who only recently ended his holdout of the 21st century. If you have time, check out my website for sample essays and other writing.