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A friend recently sent me an article listing the top signs of a healthy relationship. I felt bad for the authors because they wasted a lot of time on completely irrelevant factors like vulnerability, trust, compatibility, yada yada. Although my own Facebook page doesn’t show a relationship status (FB doesn’t offer “zombie apocalypse partner /date for national holidays” as an option), I’ve been married, a parent, a friend, and part of a family for longer than Mark Zuckerberg’s been alive. I’m not saying that maturity is everything, but I figure I’m at least as qualified to list the top signs of a good relationship as a blogger who still puts his GPA on his Linked-In profile.

UnknownThe other place that the article went wrong, of course, is that they forgot the most important thing: the quiz. Everyone knows that you have to have a quiz so people can classify their relationship in terms of which Disney Prince and Princess or Marvel superhero is a match. Since this is a relationship quiz, I went for the holy grail of modern relationship theory: Love Actually. 

Due to my advanced age and tight-fisted refusal to go with the “professional” level blog that would allow posting one of those fancy FB quizzes, we’re going to have to do this the old-fashioned way—steal it from another website. That means, of course, that the quiz page will be chock full of adverts for other (clearly inferior) quizzes. I hope you can wade through invitations to compare IQ and penis length to stick to this one. And I hope even more that you’ll stop back here and let me know how you did. And how much the divorce cost…