I am ashamed of myself. That’s why I’m not cooking dinner. A few daysweeksmonths…O holy cr*p year ago The Ape invited me to become one of his Hall of Fame authors and I was thrilled! I’d get right on it, I assured him, just as soon as I finished writing this paragraphpagechapterbook series. Only… I didn’t.

Today he gave me the gentlest possible reminder and that’s why I’m not cooking. If I don’t finish this right away, the laundry and dishes are next to go. Since about all that leaves is personal hygiene, I think we can all agree that I’d better get this one done now.

In his submission guidelines, The Ape suggests that I tell my story as if we are friends. The only problem is that if my story was all that interesting, I wouldn’t be in the business of making…