Okay, I can’t resist. After my last post about reviews here, I’ve gotten lots of examples and suggestions for bad reviews. Here’s a post from some years ago, plus these fabulous examples from Terry Tyler.
When I get a bad review…
I play the one-star game. It’s easy! Just take any classic work of literature, and check out its one-star reviews.
“This book is the worst love story ever! Read Stephenie Meyer books!” ~Sachi ❤ Review
—Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare, 1595
“While the plot was very gripping and well-written, the book didn’t actually instruct me on how to kill a mockingbird. I bought this book intending to do away with this obnoxious bird that’s always sitting in my backyard and making distracting noises. I had hoped this book would shed some light on how to humanely dispose of the bird, but unfortunately it was this story about a lawyer and a falsely-accused criminal. As I said, the plot is great but nowhere in the book does it say exactly how to kill a mockingbird.” ~Eddy Allen’s Review
—To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee, 1960
“This book is SO BORING that I LITERALLY FELL ASLEEP! I also ended crying because I had SO MUCH expectations, that I was disappointed with what I read.
I also had a extremely bad day at work and I needed some kind of relief. This book didn’t make me smile 1 bit.
I WAS SO DISAPPOINTED!
Also, ONE SHOULD NEVER CHANGE THE STORY’S TITLE!
NO MATTER WHAT!Extremely Grammatically Disappointed, Henrietta Wimple“
— Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s [Sorcerer’s] Stone by J.K. Rowling, 1997
“The only good thing about having read this (probably ten years ago) was that I did not pay for it. The woman I was working for at the time forced me to read it; she had read it and thought it was wonderful, and since I had some kind of reputation as a reader she wanted (demanded, actually) my opinion.
I gave it to her.
I don’t really think that has anything to do with the fact that I didn’t work for her much longer.” ~Tracey’s Review
—The DaVinci Code by Dan Brown, 2006
“Twilight with whips, chains, and even worse writing.”
—Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James, 2011
Oh, yeah. I wrote that one…
Want to play? Tweet your favorite to #1-starClassics. What’s your favorite literary slam?
Here’s one to get you started.
- For a seriously helpful and entertaining look at handling bad reviews written by successful author Terry Tyler, see her post Dealing With Bad Reviews
- In the spirit of full disclosure: a one-star reviewer of my humorous travel memoir of trip to India complained, “I thought there would be cowboys.”