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Adam and Eve, AI, artificial intelligence, Die Hard, humor, Noah, Noah's Ark
I’ve been hearing about the amazing and scary things that various artificial intelligence engines can do. After more than seven decades on the planet, I couldn’t help wondering what would have changed if these tools had been available throughout history. Following is an update of a post from several years back. [Adam and Eve, Doge’s Palace, Venice]
HISTORY: the remake.
Watching Die Hard, I noticed that if Bruce Willis had a cellphone, the movie would have been about ten minutes long. “Hello, 911-operator? I’m in the bathroom of the Nakatomi Plaza and Snape has my wife, well actually I’m not sure she’s still my wife because she’s gone back to using her maiden name and all, but I’m sure we can work on that and have a swell Christmas with our adorable children as soon as you have a few snipers pick off the terrorists who are conveniently sitting with their backs to large windows. Ciao.” Roll credits.
And if that cellphone had access to AI?
John: “Summarize my plan.”
AI:
- Remove shoes.
- Walk across broken glass.
- Crawl through ventilation ducts.
- Irritate one German every 15 minutes.
- Save Christmas.
“Would you like me to make this into a PowerPoint?”
John: “I can see a few logistical issues with this plan.”
AI: “I’ve optimized your route.”
John: “Great.”
AI: “Take the elevator.”
John: “…The one full of terrorists?”
AI: “Estimated arrival: 17 seconds.”
John: “Yippee-ki-AI, Mother-F…”
AI: “…Please avoid profanity.”
I started to wonder how other events might have been changed by a few well-placed cellphones, text messages, or even AI.
And what if Adam and eve used AI?
Adam: “AI, should I eat the fruit?”
AI: “Summary: Eating this fruit will dramatically increase your knowledge, permanently alter your relationship with God, introduce mortality, and make all your descendants argue on the internet forever.”
Eve: “Hmm… what do online reviews say?”
AI: “The serpent gave it five stars.”
Adam: “Any negative reviews?”
AI: “One. ‘Would not recommend. Expelled from paradise. ★☆☆☆☆.'” — God
Or maybe Noah had a mobile?
*1. Noah’s Concept Drawing
*2. Project Manager’s Vision
*3. Business Analyst’s Design
*4. Programmer’s Implementation
*5. Sales Team’s Presentation
*6. Build Team’s Version
*7. What Accounting Invoiced
*8. Technical Support
And what if Noah used AI?
Noah: “AI, make me a list of every animal I need on the Ark.”
AI:
- 2 elephants ✅
- 2 giraffes ✅
- 2 zebras ✅
- 2 unicorns ✅
Noah: “Unicorns?”
AI: “Trust me.”
40 days later…
God: “Noah… where are the unicorns?”
Noah: “Funny story, Lord.”
God: “…I’m listening.”
Noah: “I asked the AI why they weren’t on the manifest.”
God: “And?”
Noah: “It searched the available folklore and concluded that unicorns can only be captured by virgins…”
God: “Reasonable enough.”
Noah: “Then it added, ‘Successful breeding also requires ongoing access to virgins.’”
God: “…”
Noah: “The AI flagged that resource as ‘not available aboard the Ark.'”
God: “Not available?”
Noah: “Well… there were eight of us on the boat. We all had children. And everyone else was drowned.”
God: And the dragons?
AI: Health & Safety flagged them as a fire hazard.
God: “You trusted a machine over a miracle?”
Noah: “It had a 97.8% confidence score.”
God: “Noah, where are the unicorns?”
Noah: “The AI said unicorns require virgins to reproduce.”
AI: “Constraint analysis: none detected on board.“
God: “…I knew I should’ve reviewed the prompt.”
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Barb Taub 
Very funny!! When I was visiting my daughter (you know, the ludditte) She asked AI if she should be concerned because her mother, visiting from Spain, had been in the outhouse an overly long time. AI replied that she should go immediatly and check on her mother because at her advanced age and coming from a country where they probably didn’t have outhouses, she could be in grave danger. We had a good laugh and for the rest of the visit she kept checking if I was OK because of my advanced age. If I ever meet this AI person I’ll show them advanced age!!
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