I can only think of two reasons for me to make a sacrifice. Reason #1: the chance to win obscenely big prizes (Yes, Monty, I’ll sacrifice the washer/dryer and year’s supply of dog shampoo I’ve already won for what’s behind door number three). Reason #2: someone who shares my bed or my DNA needs me. (Yes, I’ll gnaw off my own hand to help my child on the offchance that s/he will serve up some grandchildren someday.)
My fellow women, many brave margaritas were sacrificed to bring you the cautionary warnings in the following list. If you get married, chances are good your spouse will be a male______ [fill in blank from list below. Bonus points if you get all ten.]
I promised you the BIG REVEAL… And here it is!
Calls for Men to Be Blindfolded in Public
In response to claims that men are unable to restrain themselves from committing rape if they see women in skimpy clothing, members of law enforcement agencies around the country have called for men to blindfold themselves when they are in places where they might encounter a female wearing a tank top or a short skirt.
To the conservative christian movement: This is why the bible doesn’t mention evolution.
by Nathan Caleb Taub
God: MOSES! HEAR ME!
Moses: I hear you, oh Lord! Actually, I can really hear you. Can we tone it down?
God: Oh, sorry. Is this better?
All the dumb, loud, germy, messy stuff kids do that drives moms into Betty Draper-like neurosis was my mother’s creative inspiration, like the time in 1988 when she awoke at 3 AM to find me, then four years old, prying her eyelids apart with my fingers.
He’s an ungodly soccer-playing card sharp on a mission from God. She’s a beautiful punk fairy princess with with her own daytime radio talk show. They fight crime!
I think this article should be required reading for all mothers (and daughters!) Please do yourself a favor and see …
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