[Another repeat from early blog days while I’m away due to a family emergency.]
I started this blog to be like the other cool writer wannabes. But I’ve been spying on checking out their blogs, and it’s clear I’m doing at least three things wrong:
- I’m squee-impaired. When someone writes the word ‘squee’, I want to tweet back, “Bless you.” (Sometimes, I take a surreptitious hit of hand sanitizer.)
- I don’t call people ‘beotches’. I’ve known many bitches (and many… er… male offspring of same), and none of them spell it with an ‘o’. Or three ‘o’s… Not to mention the fact that after my formative years on the south side of Chicago, self-preservation leaves me reluctant to apply the term to their faces, whether as perjorative or endearment.
- I don’t drop the f-bomb.
Okay, those who’ve driven with me on a motorway here in England know that I’m lying about at least one of the above points. (Make that two of the above…)
Here is the real reason I’m not going to make it as a blogger. I don’t have a cat. I can tell this is important because among the blog-stats from the geniuses at WordPress is a list of search terms that led people to my blog. An astonishing 25.5% of them were looking for cat pictures like the one here. Plus one confused searcher was looking for a persian dog. Clearly, the more kittens you have working for you, the more people will visit your blog. Of course, 62.5% of search engine traffic was from people looking for my reasons NOT to have kids. Given that I have four children, I’m either the best or the worst source to consult on that topic.
So in the interests of driving traffic to this blog, I offer the following all-purpose gif:
If you’re part of the teeming hordes of viewers this picture brings in, I hope you will take a moment to look at excerpts from my work in progress — Round Trip Fare (release from Hartwood Publishing scheduled for January 2016). I’d be especially grateful if you could add your comments, suggestions, or critique. Thanks!
There is only one thing to say: HAHAHAHAHA! I hope everything is well.
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🙂 Ha, ha, I guess I’ll never make it as a blogger either.
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Maybe we could go in together and share a cute kitten? Or maybe that’s an entrepreneurial opportunity—short term kitten leasing?
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Aw, cute kitty.
Oops! I mean, books and writing! Let’s talk books and writing!
Mew.
Oops!
I mean,
Happy Halloween!
~Icky.
squee!
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Me and my beotch-kitties squee right backatcha!
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Dressing up animals is so mean. The vast majority look so put upon when they are dressed – a sort of “Well, if i HAVE to.” The odd animal seems top enjoy it- to each her own.
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I’m remembering our last cat, Laptop. I don’t think anyone who tried to put a costume on her would have survived the attempt.
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Oh I hear ya. I also don’t do any of that crap that so may bloggers do to get attention. Too may squee and cat blogs out there anyway. Plus, I’m a guy blogger. I’d lose my man card!
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Let’s hear it for guy bloggers. Squee!
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Gee, I’m doing all of those things wrong as well. Offspring of a beotch!
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Squee!
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I hope the family emergency is not too bad. Best wishes.
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Thanks Karen! I really appreciate your good wishes.
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I had to look ‘squee’ up on Google. It’s a very silly word indeed!
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I know…how is it even a thing? As far as I can tell, the squee is something that cute fangirls did to show their cute fan joy. It has apparently made the (not large) jump to YA writers. They lost me at cute.
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haha I’m with you there!
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Reblogged this on Anita & Jaye Dawes and commented:
I can relate… and feel a rant of my own coming on…
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A reblog—wait until I tell my beotches! Squee!!!
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I’ve never come across ‘squee’ on blogs (if I did, I would stop reading immediately), and thought it was spelt ‘bee-yatches’. I don’t do kids or pets. I save bad language for the odd character in my novels. Sheee-it, my blog is doomed to failure…. squeeeeee! :0
Looking at the excerpts of the book when I’ve done my Sunday twittering!! x
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I’m pretty worried about the kitty-deficit around Chateau Taub. Especially since I saw Mickey & Minnie dash across the floor last week, practically running over the supremely disinterested dog. I tried to get the neighbors to get a cat and then lend it out, but no luck. (Much non-squee blogage ahead, probably…).
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Ha ha! Maybe I should post more photos of my cat 🙂
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Absolutely! I think the internet is probably at least 10% cats. (Since the other 90% is basically porn, if you want to be really successful, you could try posting shots of cats and heavy petting)
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Lol! You are hilarious, Barb! Dont let those beotches put you off, you are doing just fine… squeeeee!
Seriously, bloggers actually write like that? I think you’re reading the wrong blogs. I know a very nice Irish blog you might lose yourself in now and again…
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