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The brilliant Robin Rivera over at the always-entertaining writeonsisters.com just did a post on 5 Unique and Practical Gifts for Writers. I urge my fellow writers to print it out and casually leave it lying around places where those in charge of your gift buying are most likely to stumble across it—say, glued to their wallet, car keys, computer screen, forehead, or that stash of Ben & Jerry’s Joy to the Swirled that they think you don’t know is hidden under that old box of breaded okra cutlets.

But what gifts should writers give to other writers? Practical gifts are out, of course, because if writers were practical…well, they certainly wouldn’t be writers. [see:It’s (still) not personal… It’s the (writing) business.] Luckily, there are a lot of absolutely senseless gifts to gladden the heart of any writer.

For example:

For the grammar nazis among us (we know who we are), there are the in jokes like this one from Signals Catalog.

For the grammar nazis among us (we know who we are), there are the in jokes like this one. ($9.98 from Signals Catalog.)

 

What are the two best words any writer ever writes? Give them the gift of the two best words a writer ever writes, $32.82 from notonthehighst.com

Or you could give your favorite writer the gift of the two best words a writer ever writes. ($32.82 from notonthehighstreet.com)

Still stuck? Maybe you should try the Literary Gift Company, where I hit the mother lode of senseless but somehow irresistibly charming writer presents. You can browse by author, genre, or item. What writer could resist a stocking filled with any of the following necessities of life?

under Charles Dickens we find a grumpy looking soft toy but also the white baby outfit sporting the matter of fact quote from page one of David Copperfield. "Chapter I. I am born. Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show." 

Under Charles Dickens we find the white baby outfit sporting the matter of fact quote from page one of David Copperfield. “Chapter I. I am born. Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show.” (£12.95 from The Literary Gift Company)

Under Jane Austen there is—as is only right!—a plethora of choices. (See, I’m a writer. So I get to toss out words like plethora. Hopefully, that will convince someone who knows me to get me some of this writer stuff.) My favorites include the following:

Whilst (did you see how I did that whole "whilst" thing?) we wait for the release of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, we might not be able to eat Jane's brainzzzz, but we can eat her cookie! (£7.95 from The Literary Gift Company) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=foGraEVNI0s , http://www.theliterarygiftcompany.com/jane-austen-cookie-cutter-51251-p.asp

Jane Austen cookie-cutter. Whilst (did you see how I did that whole “whilst” thing? SO Jane Austen, right?) we wait for the release of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, we might not be able to eat Jane’s brainzzzz, but we can eat her cookies! (£7.95 from The Literary Gift Company)

 

Jane Austen temporary tattoos. Hell, yeah. (£7.50 from The Literary Gift Company) http://www.theliterarygiftcompany.com/jane-austen-temporary-tattoos-51034-p.asp

Jane Austen temporary tattoos? Hell, yeah. (£7.50 from The Literary Gift Company)

Not sold on Jane Austen? (Are you sure you’re a writer? Really?) Okay, how about one of these other gifts by genre?

SciFi/Fantasy writer? How about a Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy brooch? (£12.00 from The Literary Gift Co) http://www.theliterarygiftcompany.com/hitchhikers-guide-to-the-galaxy-brooch-49700-p.asp

Maybe your SciFi/Fantasy writer needs Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy brooch? (£12.00 from The Literary Gift Co)

 

Dark and stormy night? Thriller/Mystery writers might be interested in this bracelet which contains everything from a tiny typewriter producing the iconic phrase to all the weapons Clue and beyond. (£34.13 from ptierneydesigns on Etsy) http://www.theliterarygiftcompany.com/hitchhikers-guide-to-the-galaxy-brooch-49700-p.asp

Dark and stormy night? Thriller/Mystery writers might be interested in this bracelet which contains everything from a tiny typewriter producing the iconic phrase to all the weapons Clue and beyond. (£34.13 from ptierneydesigns on Etsy)

Or maybe you're writer's life has gone down the toilet and the only thing you can do for them is take the plunge and... no, sorry. I just can't. But maybe this little plunger and toilet will help? (£3.99 from The Literary Gift Co) http://www.theliterarygiftcompany.com/writers-block-pencil--sharpener-set-49024-p.asp

Or maybe your writer feels their work is just crap, their life has gone down the toilet and the only thing you can do for them is take the plunge and… no, sorry. I just can’t go there, not even for a blog post. But maybe this little plunger and toilet will help? (£3.99 from The Literary Gift Co)

Of course, there is a fabulous gift that every writer dreams of but may be too shy to ask for themselves. It’s the one thing that every single person they know could do for them. It’s easy, and (in these days of below-subsistence-level book pricing) it’s even cheap. You can buy their book, read it, and then—here comes the gift part—write a review. Just tick off some stars, say a few words about almost anything at all (but the book is a good place to start) and you’re done. You don’t have to write a gift tag or wrap anything. Believe me, your writer will think it’s the best present you could ever give. (Unless you happen to be on the nominating committee for the Booker prize, of course. In that case, you might want to go with the Writer’s Block plunger and toilet set.)

What’s the best gift for writers you’ve ever given or received?