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I love car ferries, which is lucky because here in Scotland, I spend a fair amount of time on them. I particularly love the announcements about what passengers should do in the unlikely event—an event so nearly impossible, they assure us, as to be almost not even worth mentioning but just to fill in the time, they’ll touch on it in passing—that the boat sinks. I imagine that people aboard the Titanic heard similar announcements, but what I particularly love is that here in Scotland, the info about our upcoming potentially-fatal submersion is then repeated in the most beautiful Scots Gaelic you can imagine. Drowning sounds like magic or poetry.

But one thing I don’t understand is the little sign at the entrance to the ferry ramp.


My theory: although the airlines have caved and now let you use your mobile phone during the entire flight, here on the Caledonian MacBrayne Ferries, it will result in your car being immediately tipped overboard.


And just to ensure that you take it seriously, the little brother of that creepy Chucky doll is watching you. Be afraid. Be very afraid.