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I’ve been walking around Italy showing my phone to total strangers so they can read the (hopefully) Italian translation of my queries. Google Translate is a miracle app which translates conversations, websites, and random inscriptions on statues. Except when it doesn’t…

I tried to order some paper file folders for my temporary office. Simple enough, I thought, as I ran my request through Google Translate. Until the package arrived containing…

Piles of folded paper.

(Who buys stacks of folded paper? How is that even a thing?)

Google Translate says this sign on a window proclaims, “Here I do not do pipi and popo.” Okay, I admit that’s a little funny.


And then there was this one. It’s getting dark earlier, so I wanted to order a flashlight for the dog’s evening walks. OMG! Apparently, that translated into “male masturbators”.

Statue of Pinocchio in nearby park. Because NO! I did NOT take a picture of those search results.

(And okay, yes, I looked. I now have to go boil my eyeballs…)