Tags
balls, costumes, Daisy Duck, Donald Duck, Easter, Easter Bunny, humor, Joseph Kony, kids, Madison Avenue, parenting, peep diorama, peeps, Santa, Virginia
Time to be afraid again, Easter Peeps.
At the bottom of this occasionally-annual Easter reblog is possibly the single creepiest photo on the web. (And that includes the Alien Peeps below and this one of The Donald that you just HAVE to go and spin 360-degrees.) Happy Easter!
I committed an Easter crime once.
I was persuaded to dress up in a bunny costume for my daughter’s preschool class. The teacher opened the door and in I teetered, six-plus feet (counting the ears) of Easter excitement. For about a nanosecond, there was total silence while I held up my basket of plastic eggs. Then eighteen mouths were screaming for eighteen mothers, thirty-six eyes were filling with tears, and seventy-two tiny arms and legs were churning toward the door. We’re not even going to discuss what happened in eighteen little pairs of undies as I single-handedly drove the roomful of preschoolers ballistic with terror.
Maybe if that whole child-soldier/ kidnapping/ warlord gig doesn’t work out for him, Joseph Kony could find fulfillment dressing up as a giant bunny and appearing before unsuspecting preschoolers.
Looking back, I realize that if I’d gone into work one day to find an eleven-foot tall rabbit heading for me – with no prior memo announcing, “At 10:15AM today, staff will be terrorized by long-eared rodents twice your size,” – I would probably not have been nearly as nice about it as those preschoolers. After all, not one of them pressed charges or pulled a weapon even though it was hunting season. In SW Virginia. I’m just lucky I didn’t end up on the hood of someone’s car, tied down next to Bambi.
It’s not as if I didn’t know better. My kids have an unbroken string of bad experiences with costume-clad adults. The first time we did the Mouse, Donald Duck waddled up to us. He was reaching out to Child #2 when she hauled off and planted him a solid one straight to his – duckness. As I hustled the kids out of there, I noticed Daisy Duck was trying to help him up despite quacking up herself. (I’d apologize, but come on – you knew that was coming…)
Then there was the time we were in the grocery store. My four-year-old was busy analyzing the relative merits of the candy lining the checkout lane when he was accosted by a cookie-promoting elf whose head alone was at least as tall as my son. (The concept of selling cookies using a supersized elf head is yet another reflection of the extent of the drug problem on Madison Avenue.) The elf, who seemed directionally challenged, was being guided by a handler. “How would you like to meet the elf?” the handler asked my son.
“NO!” he screamed, racing for the exit and knocking down everything in his path. “NO, no, no, no…”
“How would you like to pay for the years of therapy we’re both going to need?” I asked the elf as I gave chase.
The fact is there is no real upside to costumed adults confronting my children. Take the time I brought Child #1 to see Santa in his mall chalet surrounded by several camera-waving teenaged helper elves. My daughter didn’t want anything to do with the whole setup, so she tried to escape as the elves herded her toward Santa. As he leaned down to her, she grabbed the pompoms on the end of his hat and started to pull back. One of Santa’s Helpers screamed, “She’s pulling Santa’s little balls off!” We never did get a photo of the event, because Santa had to go feed his reindeer immediately.
Ready? Brace yourselves. Here it comes. The creepiest Easter photo on the web.
I’m sure you’ve never done anything to shock the chocolate eggs out of unsuspecting children. But just in case—come sit by me and tell Barb ALL about it. (I’ll even let you bite the ears off my chocolate bunny…)
Lynette d'Arty-Cross said:
Agreed – that photo is terrifying. Alien meets It. Yikes.
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barbtaub said:
It’s a little disturbing how much I love it.
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judithhb said:
Scary
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barbtaub said:
And yet weirdly familiar somehow.
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beth said:
terrifying!
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barbtaub said:
I hope Little Suzie ends up in a super lucrative career like plastic surgeon, corporate lawyer, head football or basketball coach at a major university (of the mens team of course), or Kardashian so she can afford the lifelong therapy she’s going to need.
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beth said:
There really is no getting over it
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Darlene said:
Steven King, move over. Now how will I sleep??
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barbtaub said:
Just think of all the writing time you’ll gain by never sleeping again. You’re welcome.
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Darlene said:
😊
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tidalscribe.com said:
I walked into our library for our book club meeting and was confronted by a white rabbit – it was International Book Day. Luckily the numerous parties of school children coming in seemed unfazed by him. But years ago when I helped out at our local playgroup, the community beat officer who the children loved when he was in his police uniform, came dressed as PC Payphone, a giant hands free phone. The children were terrified.
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barbtaub said:
Just imagine that a gigantic payphone two or three times taller than you is reaching for you. We’re talking YEARS of therapy…
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Cathy said:
They’re enough to scare anybody, never mind children! Whoever thinks them up is the one who needs therapy.
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barbtaub said:
Is it bad that I kind of wish the person who thought those up was me?
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Cathy said:
Terribly bad 😉
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Mick Canning said:
Wow, those are some scary photos! Who on earth would…?
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barbtaub said:
I’m just sad that I wasn’t the one who made the PeepShow instead of being the one in the fur suit who made little kids wet themselves.
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Mick Canning said:
Well, that’s still an achievement, I guess.
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quiall said:
It amazes me how children survive to adulthood having to deal with adults.
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Jennie said:
Haha!!
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noelleg44 said:
Your usual great humor, Barb, and you’re right, that last photo is horrifying. I went to my grandson’s birthday party (with an Alice in Wonderland theme) as the Cheshire Cat. The mask terrorized one of the attendees – must have been that toothy smile.
Did you know that some chocolate shops in London are selling Cadbury chocolate eggs as ‘gesture’ eggs? Not Easter eggs. Heaven only knows what the ‘gesture’ means but I can think of a gesture I would like to give them!
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Pooja G said:
That is seriously the creepiest Easter photo, who thought that would be a good idea for a child??
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