It’s not that I don’t plan my trips—I just don’t plan them very well. But unless you’ve enjoyed hearing about how my holidays tend to go “tits-up” (as they say here in Glasgow) and want to share in the fun, you will need the following top ten tips for making sure you have the trip of your dreams.
They just don’t get the Fourth of July here in the UK. Go figure. My friend Hamish invited me to join …
Step 1: Accept that you are not that special. This is the most difficult and important thing to accept if you wish to be a grown-up: You are not a Special Snowflake.
Not saying it’s been cold here, but the brass monkeys have been begging for welders…
If you rang our doorbell at dinner time and you were a cousin, knew a cousin, or correctly guessed the partial name of a cousin, you were brought in, another plate was jammed into the dozen already set up, and you got the first serving of pot roast.
Father’s Day is coming, but you probably already have his present wrapped and ready, right? Me either… I’m not saying …
One of the things that we had to learn when we moved to the UK was the British-Wave. Americans know the proper way to drive is to get there ahead of everyone else at all costs. If you let them cut in front of you, they will own your manhood and, probably, your car and wife as well. So you expect Americans driving in the UK to not only back-the-f-up when facing another driver, but actually smile and wave? That’s like expecting the Queen to put on a bikini and serve ice-cream to paparazzi. It’s both physically possible and virtually inconceivable.
I’ve just spent several days off the grid on the Isle of Mull, one of Scotland’s Inner Hebrides islands. Some people actually do this on purpose. (Of course, some people answer their cellphones in the theater, perform as street mimes, or eat snails. This does not make it okay.)
This inability to accept adult realities goes a long way toward explaining such phenomena as Cubs fans, ‘lite’ cheesecake, and Republican presidential candidates.
In this character-driven humorous thriller, Daisy is a one-woman curvy strawberry-blonde bombshell force of nature. She can’t hold a job, can’t cook, and has a strange sense of dress. Her trademark charm, humor, and joy in life can send any situation spinning out of control, threatening her and hapless partner Solomon with danger, and even chance of death, but just as often providing the clues needed to solve the case.
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No distance of place nor lapse of time, can lessen the friendship of those who are thoroughly persuaded of each other's worth.
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Feel the fear and do it anyway.
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From the depths of the trashcan
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