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banker, business, dentist, doctor, gynecologist, human resources, humor, the writing business, writer, writing
A well-meaning friend just sent me another breathless article about the business of writing. All I can say is, I’ve been in business and it would look a lot different if other professions took the same approach as writers:
Lawyer: “I’m not actually charging my clients because I’m building my reputation. Someday I’ll be famous and they’ll all pay.”
Dentist: “I’m doing a blog tour, and you can enter my rafflecopter giveaway for a free root canal if you send a tweet, leave a comment, and add your email to my mailing list.”
Broker: “I’m sending out free shares in hopes that people give them good reviews on Goodreads.”
Chef: “If I charge more than the food truck, nobody will buy my next dish. I’ll get a day job at Chez Mac’s so I can keep giving my gourmet dishes away.”
Banker: “I think I’ll just work at home, alone, second-guessing all my decisions while I whine about getting lenders-block.”
Human Resources: “Instead of a salary, we’ll pay people a small advance against future profits. Then they’ll get paid in royalties. If they actually sell enough to pay back that advance, that is. And there will be at least a year’s delay before the payments start, of course.”
Gynecologist: “The first ten people who ‘like’ me on Facebook get a free pelvic exam.”
Barb Taub 
I am still laughing, but I do cry tears over the low ceiling for new authors, especially in the self-publishing arena. I have friends trying to seriously make a living writing and it isn’t funny. Many are investing not only their heart and soul, but all of their time and more money than one would think necessary.
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I’m trying to think of other occupations where the professionals give away their product in the hope that someone will be hooked enough to pay for it later. Artists? Cults? Drug dealers?
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The last one…drug dealers…and of course religious cults aren’t to bad at using the tactic. The food industry sometimes gives a new product away…once…
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Laugh, sob, snort.
Not everybody can pull teeth. Or bank, Or lawyer. But damn near anybody can write a book.
More snorting. Frustrated snorting.
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I’ll bet surgeons don’t ever hear, “Yeah, I’ve been thinking of taking up brain surgery myself. I hear everyone has one good operation in them…”
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Haha! These are painfully accurate.
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At least we have our dignity. (Says the woman who made snow globes for the last facebook giveaway…) That reminds me–could anybody use a free bookmark? Or fifty of them?
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What ever is the free bookmark thing about…I think maybe I haven’t been following you closely enough.
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Thank you very much, I’am really glad that I’m following you. I’m still figuring out. Just wanted to say that you are an awesome blogger. greetings from Gede Prama 😉
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Thank you so much for stopping by. I went to your amazing blog (http://gedepramascompassion.com for anyone who’s interested) and was absolutely riveted when I read “anger can be transformed into lantern”. As a grudge-holder extraordinaire, this post really spoke to me.
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I agree 1000% with what you’ve written here, and I always argue (in vain) with people that giving your work away free does not lead to anyone ever paying for it. But the stark reality is this: their work isn’t good enough for someone to pay for.
In the end they’ve made a decision (whether they realize it or not) that their objective is to reach an audience rather than to make money.
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Yeah, what she said. (My publisher is pretty insistent on charging for books anyway.) Except… if I charge and my books aren’t exactly making the NYT bestseller lists, does that mean I should face the stark reality of work suckage? Um… perhaps could I interest you in a free sample story after all? eARC? Many, many bookmarks?
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I guess having been a teacher in a past life, this all doesn’t feel unfamiliar. Hours and hours of work for a pat on the head and “good feelings,” right?! You’re absolutely right about every one of these!
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While it’s true that people don’t (usually) blame writers if their customers don’t get into Harvard or Oxford or Eastern Mississippi State Community College, it’s also true that teachers possess the holy grail of day jobs: health insurance, a retirement plan, and more than two weeks a year of vacation. And they almost never utter the sacred password of writers everywhere — “And would you like fries with that order?”
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Ah…how bittersweet is this…you my lady are the queen of irony…I really would like to see the stock broker who’d give you free shares as he awaits good reviews on Goodreads… and the 10 likes on facebook is priceless…of course, you know that I’m going to reblog this…it’s just too good to not to share with everyone on my side of the blog!
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Woohoo! [fist pump] A Bastet reblog– score!
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LOL…silly lady!
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Reblogged this on Bastet and Sekhmet's Library and commented:
Are you a Gynecologist… would you ever think to write this so as to get new clients: “The first ten people who ‘like’ me on Facebook get a free pelvic exam.” Barb Taub imagines a world where other professionals sell themselves with give aways…like writers and poets do daily…and if we laugh it’s only because we prefer not to rage or maybe shed a little tear.
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I just read some of these comments…so…the real problem would be that anyone can write a novel…well, I don’t agree, but I understand that with modern technology anyone can now autopublish anything…in the past people could publish themselves but it cost a pretty penny to do so…now with a progam and a bunch of online vendors one could theorectically write and sell a novel, even if it has no value at all. In which case one gives it away. We’re trashing our creativity playground perhaps?
I think though that the major problem is that there is no direction in what we are doing. We are disbanded hoards and masses with a computer at our bidding. Arise oh masses and organize yourselves into collectives…march on and keep your books hidden from the golum of moloch (hmm… maybe I’m exaggerating…mostly because I don’t know who the heck the golum of moloch is…)
Well…you know, authors are probably seeing very little for their work, may I add as usual. In the past Artists whether literary are pictoral or whatever, have always had to work for free…until they’re discovered…why? Basically because anyone can hold a crayon in his had or put four words together into a sentence. The big news here is that there are a bunch of people now living off you and me and anyone who autopublishes or writes a blog or posts a photograph etc. Aren’t you happy to know that you make an economy thrive?
Probably the best way to really be published is how you’ve done it Barb. You’ve got to have someone behind you…a literary agent or a publsher…the self publishing way may work…but only if you can figure out how to get the NYT literary page (or other similar) to read you. The other way is to try to publish single articles, through magazines or e-zines… take part in contests too…but just giving your work away…I think it might not be such a good idea…at that point, just blog, create a community if that is satisfying, and it’s a hell of a lot less work, though not without it’s efforts…
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Oh, geeze!!! Hahahaha! I have been missing out–I decided to drop off the face of the earth for the month of December. I needed this–I really needed this! 😀
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Just came over from Susie’s party and signed up to follow your blog. It’s a riot!
Love your use of pics and gifs!
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Omigoodness … this made me laugh so hard! Thank you very much for that … thank you!
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